The Short Straw
by scatterthewords
Summary: When the Doctor is forced to use the Fob Watch again, it goes wrong. He ends up in Pete's World, with all of his memories erased. He must start from scratch, with the help of a blonde woman who seems strangely familiar to him.
1. Prologue

**A/N I uploaded this last week, before (somehow) deleting it again by accident. I've made a couple of changes to it, and here's the first chapter again. I apologize for my stupidity. Please read and review, and thanks so much to the people who RR'd last time! I really hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did this would be canon.**

**The Short Straw**

**Prologue**

The Doctor was doing what he did best. He was running.

He was running faster than he ever had before, back to the one place he felt safe. He felt a spark of hope in him as he got closer to the blue doors of his ship, although he could still hear the angry shouts and animalistic cries of those chasing him. He unlocked the door and ran inside, slamming the door behind him. The Doctor leaned against the doors of the TARDIS for a minute, his eyes closed, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He knew he didn't have much time to come up with a fully functional plan; the people chasing him would nearly be at the doors of the TARDIS by now. And even if he took off, going to any era in space and time, they would find him. That, he knew, was for definite. They had promised.

The Doctor walked slowly up the steps towards the console. Both his hearts pounded wildly in his chest, and he felt a twinge or regret as he realized he might not feel the comforting pounding of both his hearts for a long time.

He had no choice.

He had to use the Fob Watch.

The pain from the Chameleon Arch was immediate, and he made no effort to hold in his screams, knowing no one could hear him anyway. Except for the TARDIS. He felt a comforting presence in his mind as she telepathically let him know that she was still there. But he would lose her, too, he knew, as soon as his Time Lord DNA was hidden. He hoped with both his hearts that he would somehow find a way back to her when it was safe. But he had no companion to get him to open the watch when the time was right. There was a very real possibility that he would die as a human, never regaining his true identity. But it was the only choice he had- he knew They would find him, and if They got a hold of the TARDIS the consequences would be horrific. This was his only hope.

He thought about Amy and Rory. He never got to say goodbye. They would probably never see him again. But at least they weren't here with him for this. The thought of them having to cope with him not knowing who he really was, having to live in fear of being discovered by Them.. He knew he had done the right thing, taking them home after the horrible happenings at the hotel.

As the pain became unbearable, his body twisting and changing to become human, he heard the first explosion coming from outside the ship.

They had found him.

He had left the TARDIS stationary in the Time Vortex, knowing that she would find a place to leave him as a human when the change had been completed, but it was too late. They had found him. Just before he blacked out from the pain, he heard several more explosions and the odd sensation of falling. His last coherent thought was that it was over, this was it.

He had fallen out of the time Vortex into nothingness.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. *sob***

**A/N: Please Read and Review, and let me know if there is anything I could do to make this a little better. Thanks!**

"Are you alright, mate? Hey, can you hear me?"

His world was dark, and his senses seemed dimmer than usual, but he heard her voice. He was aware of a splitting pain in his head, and his body felt cold. He knew the pain meant that the change from the Chameleon Arch was still continuing, despite having been ripped away from it when he had been hit. He couldn't remember anything after that.

His whole body ached, but he recognised her voice. He'd know that voice anywhere, he was sure of it. Even if the Chameleon Arch had worked, he liked to believe that he would recognize that sweet voice. He forced his tired eyes open, and found himself gazing into the warm brown eyes that he had never allowed himself to believe he would see again.

_Rose._

That was his last coherent thought before he got a wave of pain so great, it knocked him unconscious once more, and his body completed the change. The Doctor, human being.

"Come on mate, don't do this!" Rose put her hand on the chest of the unconscious man, hoping to wake him up again. Suddenly she gasped, shifting backwards, away from him.

Jake, who was standing beside her, frowned in concern. "Is he alright?" He asked in his strong Welsh accent.

Roses hand was back on the sleeping man's chest, and she was frowning, shaking her head.

"Sorry. He's fine, at least from what I can see. Just unconscious."  
>"What was that about?"<p>

Rose left out a nervous laugh. "I must be going mad. For a moment there, it felt.. Well, it felt like he had a double heartbeat." She sighed, her hand still on his chest.

"Still. Gone now."

Rose was in her head office in Torchwood, talking quietly with Jake, after putting the still unconscious man down to the medical room. They were both just waiting for him to wake up.

"Do you think he came through the rift?" Jake asked, his clear blue eyes focused on her.

She shrugged, resting her head in her hands. "He must've done. There was a lot of alien energy around him when we brought him in, the scanner showed us."

"What about him, though?" Jake persisted. "Is he-?"

"He's human. We scanned." Rose answered before Jake had even finished his sentence. " I don't know though.. It was weird. We've never had anything like this before."

She was quiet for a moment, subconsciously touching the framed photograph on her desk. "He'd know what to do. If he was here."

Jake looked at her, smiling confidently. "He'll make it back. You know better than to worry about him. Your Doctor John Smith. He always makes it back."

Rose returned his smile, but she couldn't get rid of the foreboding sensation in the back of her mind. "Yeah."

"Rose?" A knock on the door broke Rose away from her thoughts. "Sorry to interrupt, but he's conscious."

"Great. Thanks, Tosh." Rose replied, standing up and looking at Jake. "I guess we'll get some answers now, then."

When The Doctor woke up, he could remember nothing. His single heart was pounding in his chest as he took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was that his wrists were cuffed to the bed, which was uncomfortable and, honestly, quite humiliating. He was in a white wash room that looked hospital-like, complete with beeping machines and the awful, overpowering smell of bleach. He had no idea how he had gotten there, and he did what every human does when they don't understand something- they get scared.

"Help!" He yelled. "Let me out!"

Rose could hear "the patient"- which was what she was calling him for the time being, at least until he told her his name- yelling as soon as she turned the corner to the lab. She sighed. She had said time and time again that they shouldn't keep patients in the lab. They always got scared when they woke up. She hovered by the door for a moment, before knocking tentatively and walking in.

He was struggling against the cuffs, looking at her with a scared, yet annoyed expression.  
>"It's about time." He said indignantly.<p>

Rose smiled despite herself. People who woke up here were usually meek, timid and afraid, even after it was explained to them that they weren't going to be kept here. This guy, although clearly afraid, looked and sounded more annoyed than anything.

"How are you feeling?" Rose said, walking over to him.

"I'm tied up." He replied simply.

"Right, sorry." She said, biting her lip so that he wouldn't see her laughing. He didn't seem dangerous, at least. A bit eccentric, maybe, but that never hurt anyone. Well..

She slid the shackles off and he sat up properly, groaning. "Any better?" She asked.

"Yeah." He muttered. "Thanks. Where am I?"

"You're in Torchwood." She said hesitantly. She still wasn't used to saying it. It still felt strange that her and the Doctor worked here, considering it was set up because of them, way back in the 1800's. She shook her head, realizing she was going into a daydream. "It's nothing to worry about, really. We just brought you in because of the, er, unusual circumstances we found you in."

"Ah." The dark haired man nodded. Then he paused. "What "unusual circumstances" were they, then?"

Rose's polite smile turned into a frown. "Well.. You were glowing. Your whole body. Glowing gold- just for a moment. But don't you remember?"

Her patient shook his head, realization hitting him, his eyes growing wide and afraid as he looked into her eyes. "No. Actually. I don't remember anything at all."


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, story alerts and favourites on the last chapters! I really wasn't expecting such a great reaction! I'll try and update this as often as possible! **

"You're walking through the forest. The sky is clear and there is a light breeze on your face. You're on your way home. What do you think your home looks like?"

"I don't know." The Doctor sighed exasperatedly, leaning back in his chair.

He had been in this room for what felt like hours, with some sort of Therapist named Tosh, a young Asian woman with kind eyes.  
>"We're just trying to help." She said in a pleading voice.<p>

Apparently, this exercise was supposed to help jog the Doctor's memory; like if Tosh said a word that was important to him, he might remember something. So far, they had no luck.

"I know." The Doctor said apologetically. "But it's just not working."

"Can't you even remember your name?" Rose said. She was leaning against the door frame, her eyes narrowed in concern. He hadn't seen her come in, didn't know how long she'd been standing there.

"My name? Nope." He replied, smiling sadly at her. "You'll know when I know."

She returned his smile sympathetically. She looked worried, the Doctor realized. There were bags under her eyes, indicating she hadn't been sleeping well for a while. The Doctor knew her worry was not for him- at least, not all of it. No, she seemed as though she had been constantly worrying about something in particular for several weeks. Maybe a boyfriend. Strangely, that thought caused him to feel oddly jealous.

He frowned, looking at her. Tosh had started speaking again, talking about the metaphorical forest he was in, in a monotonous tone. He wasn't listening, still studying the blonde woman who had picked him up off the ground that morning. She wasn't looking at him anymore, instead scribbling down notes in an A4 pad she had with her.

Why was it that she felt so familiar to him? In everything that he had seen and heard today, even through Tosh's pointless excercises, she was the only thing that felt even vaguely familiar. He felt like he had known her before all this. Or, maybe he just wanted to have known her, wanted to feel like he was making some sort of progress. He didn't know who he was, didn't even know his name. And that terrified him. What was he without his mind?

Torchwood were adamant that his memories would return eventually, but he was doubtful.

He sat there for a few moments, lost in his own thoughts, until a few of Tosh's words broke into his mind.

"As you get closer to your home, you pass a pond with-"

_Pond._

"Pond!" He yelled, cutting her off.

The word triggered something in his mind. He caught a glimpse of fiery red hair, a lilt of a woman's laughter; big green eyes that had seen too much.

"What is it? What do you remember?" Tosh asked him, leaning forward expectantly.

Rose was still standing at the door, her eyes back on him again, her eyes wide.

"I remember.. I don't know! A girl? No." He corrected himself, shaking his head. "Not a girl. She was a girl, then she grew up."

Tosh and Rose exchanged clueless looks, then turned back to face him.

" A girlfriend?" Tosh encouraged him.

"No! Not a girlfriend." He said quickly, almost guiltily, looking at Rose though he wasn't sure why. "It doesn't feel like that. I think she might be family!" A smile grew on his face. He wasn't alone, after all. Maybe he could get through this.

Tosh was practically bouncing up and down in her chair. "A sister, maybe? This is fantastic progress!"

He let out an exhilarated laugh. If he could find this "Pond", he might be able to remember even more.

"Do you know what this means?" Rose said, stepping forward. "If she's family.. We may have learned your name." She outstretched her hand, smiling brilliantly, her tongue poking out between her teeth. He took her hand, grinning. "Nice to meet you, Mister Pond."

The name didn't feel exactly right, but he didn't care. Rose was holding his hand, smiling a fantastic smile. She could call him whatever she wanted as long as he could see that smile again.

"Nice to meet you, Rose Tyler."

"Tea?"

Rose looked up from her desk, smiling gratefully. "That would be great. Thanks, Tosh."

Tosh nodded, smiling, and left the room. Rose rested her chin on her hands, sighing. She was exhausted. She hadn't slept in what felt like weeks. Maybe it was time to leave Cardiff and get back to London. She had been in Cardiff for just under a month now, helping out at Torchwood 2, but she knew her position in Torchwood 1 was still waiting for her.

She picked up the framed photograph on her desk and looked at it, smiling slightly. The picture of her and The Doctor. Her Doctor.

He had been gone for so long now, on some stupid mission somewhere- apparently someone had found a new form of life, and Torchwood had been sent to check if it was Alien.

She hadn't wanted him to go. She had gotten a bad feeling about it from the beginning, and she could tell he wasn't happy either, even though he had simply smiled and told her he was fine.

He and his team had been gone for a month now, and none of them had contacted Torchwood. Everyone was still sure of their safe return; they had come to see how brilliantly the Doctor worked. But she couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding.

"Where are you?" She whispered in the empty room.

She wasn't even aware that she was crying until a single, solitary tear dropped onto the photograph, blurring his smile.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks again for all the reviews and story alerts! I'm really glad you're enjoying this. From now on, the Doctor will be referred to as Pond**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

Just before he fell asleep that night, he thought about everything. About everything he could remember. He was so confused. People were calling him "Mr. Pond"- except for Rose Tyler, who just called him Pond. Like some sort of pet name. He smiled slightly, staring into the darkness. He was still in Torchwood- they wanted to keep him with them for a couple of days, considering all the "alien energy" that had been on him when they had picked him up. He wasn't sure what that meant, he had just heard two workers talking in a hushed tone about him and felt the need to eavesdrop.

He wondered about his past life, the one he couldn't remember. He thought about that girl that he remembered so vaguely, the one with the red hair. Pond. His mind searched for a first name but came up with no results. He found himself frowning, wishing he had a better mind than the broken, empty one he had been given when he woke up- was it really only that morning? He was sure she was important to him somehow, but why couldn't he remember? He grew frustrated, clenching his eyes shut.

This was normal, Tosh had told him. She had said to expect frustration with himself for a while before his memories returned. He turned his thoughts away from trying to remember, and thought instead of what he knew was real.

As far as he was concerned, he was Pond. He had lost his memories. He might have a sister. He was in Torchwood. Tosh was his therapist, and Rose was-

Well. He wasn't really sure who Rose was, or what her position was in this strange place. But she seemed to always be there. She picked him off the road, she was there when he woke up. She was there during his therapy. And she had shown him where he would be sleeping.

He looked around the room, his eyes having grown accustomed to the darkness. He wasn't in the lab anymore, instead in a small room that looked like a cheap hotel room. It was "temporary accommodation", Rose had said. She was staying down the hall.

The thought of her just a few doors down made his single heart beat faster. He didn't know what it was about her, why she seemed so special to him. Maybe he had known her, before all this. Maybe she just didn't remember him.

He shook his head, the weight of the day pressing down on him, making him feel exhausted. He would sleep for now, he thought, and tomorrow he would get some answers. He allowed his eyes to close, giving in to sleep.

The screaming woke her several hours later.

The second she was conscious, Rose leapt up from her bed. It took her a moment to even realize what had woken her, but then the next scream began. Out of habit, she grabbed the gun from her drawer. She would never use it, someone had taught her better than that. It wasn't even loaded. But she brought it anyway. Just in case.

As she ran towards the door, the screaming stopped, and so did she. Her hand was on the door handle, her heart beating wildly, her mind still clouded with sleep. She listened carefully, still hearing nothing, and then slowly opened the door. As she padded softly down the hallway to where the noise had come from, she became scaldingly aware of the fact that she was in her pyjamas.

"_Saving the world in my pyjamas, very Arthur Dent."_

She shook her head, forcing herself not to think about him. The only other person on this floor was Pond, so she knew exactly where the noise was coming from. She just wasn't sure why it was coming from there. Torchwood was deadlocked after a certain hour. She knew no one else could have gotten in. So then what was that noise?

Gripping on to her weapon tightly, the approached Pond's door. There was more noise coming from in there, but it wasn't screaming anymore. It was a soft muttering, like he was talking to himself. Rose frowned, decided against knocking, and opened the door as quietly as she could.

He was asleep, his chestnut hair messy, his face shining with sweat. His expression looked terrified and angry all at once, and he was muttering in a language she didn't understand.

A nightmare. She had been scared half to death because the strange man with memory loss was having a nightmare. She sighed audibly, lowering the gun, and went to wake him up.

"No!" He shouted suddenly in the silence, making Rose jump. "Stop it! They're all dead.."

He was tossing and turning in his sheets now, his face a mask of pure terror

"You're going to kill them! It's all burning.." His voice was back to a quiet mutter, but Rose saw the tear sliding down his cheek. "It was me." He whispered.

His hands were curled into fists, and he was shaking visibly. Rose knew she had to wake him up, but she found herself rooted to the spot, unable to move. What was he dreaming about?

"Help me." He said suddenly, and his voice was so clear Rose was sure he had woken up. But his eyes were still clenched shut, his chest rising and falling erratically. Rose snapped into action, moving briskly towards him.

"Rose."

He woke up as soon as she touched him, leaping up, his eyes wide, breathing heavily.

"Pond? Are you alright?" Rose asked him timidly, her heart racing.

He looked back at her, a confused expression still on his face. "Rose Tyler? What are you doing here?"

She laughed breathlessly, still gripping onto his arm. "You woke me up. Bad dream?"

The look of fear returned to his face, and he nodded wordlessly, before hiding it with a smile. "Nothing I can't handle. I'm fine."

He said it like it was nothing, but his voice cracked and his cheeks were still streaked with tears. She felt a sudden rush of sympathy for him, and pulled him in for a hug. Pond, although surprised, hugged her back tightly.

"It was just a dream, yeah? It wasn't real. You don't have to be scared. It didn't happen."

He nodded, his face buried in her shoulder.

But he was still afraid, because the dreams he had- the fields, the cities, the people- all burning from the war, all dead, all his fault. He was sure that it was real.

And even though Rose was the one who said it, she was still afraid, because he had said her name while he was still dreaming. And it wasn't just that he had said her name, it was the way he said it. There was only one other person who ever said her name with such emotion, and that was her Doctor.

_Who are you?_ She thought to herself, as they clung to each other.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N This chapter is pretty much filler, but don't worry, things start happening in the next chapter, which I hope to upload tomorrow. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who *sigh***

Rose never told Pond that he said her name in his sleep, and Pond never told Rose what happened in his nightmares. But something shifted between them that night, and they became friends, rather than a Torchwood worker and a client.

They became so close over such a short space of time, that when Rose announced that she was heading back to London, it was decided that Pond should go with her.

"He doesn't exactly sound like a local." Rose argued with Frank, the head of Torchwood 2. "And Tosh checked, there's no one in Wales that fits the description of the girl he remembered. If he came through the rift, he could be from anywhere. We have to at least give London a chance."

It had only been a week since Pond had been found on the pavement outside the Hub, but he hadn't remembered anything else since the first day. He still had nightmares in the middle of the night, but they had lessened considerably since the first horrible night. Everyone had noticed that being around Rose seemed to keep him calm, and so, eventually, Frank agreed.

As soon as Pond was given permission to travel with her, Rose went down to the Garage to let him know the news. The Garage was a place where random alien junk Torchwood picked up was stored, usually dud weapons or electrical items. Pond tended to spend a lot of time down there, and, just as she had thought, he was down there when she arrived.

He stood up when he heard her come in, smiling. His face was streaked with oil, and in his hands he held a screwdriver and a piece of machinery.

"Hey!" He said enthusiastically, beckoning her towards him. "Look at this, I've messed around with it a bit and I think you could use it as a microwave now."

As she walked towards him, he stood back proudly. She laughed as she saw his invention.

"Pond, that used to be a teleporter."

He looked at her, frowning. "Well, now it's a microwave."

She shook her head, bending down to get a closer look.

"You're really good at this stuff." She muttered, touching the machine lightly.

He grinned. "Maybe I was a mechanic before all this."

She straightened up again, smiling. "Maybe you were. We'll find out eventually."

She shook her head, suddenly remembering why she was down there. "Oh, I was talking to Frank, he said it's alright for you to come with me to London."

Pond looked as though he were about to hug Rose, but looked at his oil stained hands and thought better of it. He grinned at her instead. "That's great! I'm sick of being cooped up here. I haven't even been outside yet."

"Well, when we get to London you'll still have to be at Torchwood a lot.. There is one there too, you know. We need to keep an eye on you until we figure out how you got here."

He groaned, rolling his eyes. "I'll never get away from you people."

Rose smiled at him, poking her tongue out from between her teeth. "Why would you want to?"

He didn't answer her, just turned away so he couldn't see the blush appearing on his cheeks.

He helped her clean out her office. It didn't take very long, she didn't have much there. It was mostly paperwork and random alien objects. Pond had gotten used to finding alien artefacts around the place, although at first he was shocked to find out that they really existed. He had even thought that maybe they were playing a trick on him. But he started believing when he saw them take in a Weevil from the streets one day. It all existed, and it was brilliant.

They were mostly quiet as they cleaned out her office, until Pond picked up a photograph that was on Rose's desk. He looked at it, frowning. It was a picture of Rose with a tall, skinny man with messy hair. He had his arms wrapped around her and she looked as though she was laughing. He studied Rose in the picture, and his heart sank as he realized just how _happy_ she looked. Her smile was genuine, and she didn't look tired. She looked so alive. Even though she hid it well, Pond still caught an aura of sadness around her almost constantly, though she would mask it with a smile or sarcastic comment. But none of her smiles looked as happy as the one she had in this picture.

Pond cleared his throat, turning around to where Rose was rummaging in one of the drawers, looking for something.

"Rose?" He began timidly.

She turned her head, looking up at him. "Yeah?"  
>"Who's this?" He said, gesturing at the photo.<p>

For a moment after he said it, he wondered if he should have just kept his mouth shut, because she looked like she was going to burst into tears. But then he blinked, and wondered if he had imagined it, because her face was neutral again. "That's the Doctor." She said simply, turning around again.

He nodded, looking down at the picture again. Then he looked back up. "Doctor what?"

Rose shrugged, about to give her usual answer. _Just the Doctor._ But she stopped herself. Because he wasn't just the Doctor. He was so much more than that, and she was really getting worried about his absence. Every day she woke up from a night of tossing and turning, and he was the first thing she thought of. And the worry grew with every day he didn't come back.

It was Rose's turn to clear her throat. She stood up and walked over to Pond, trying her best to keep the neutral expression on her face.

"Doctor John Noble-Smith." She took the photo from him, looking at it carefully. There was so much more she wanted to say about him but couldn't. So she said the first true thing that popped into her head. "You remind me of him a lot."

She wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N This is a long one, because I probably won't be able to upload anything again until Sunday evening. I hope you enjoy, and thanks a lot for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

When Rose woke up that morning after a fitful sleep, she breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that today was the day she was going back to London. She sat up slowly, looking around the empty room. Her small suitcase was by the door, waiting to be packed into the car. As she got out of bed, she was hit by the pain in her head that was almost constantly there, probably from lack of sleep. She cursed under her breath, digging out an aspirin from her drawer. As she took the pill with a bottle of water she kept next to her bed, she realized just how excited she was to be going back to London. She hadn't seen her family since she had come to Cardiff, and was often too busy to even phone them. Jackie had been ecstatic when Rose told her she was coming home.

She had a shower and got dressed quickly, before digging her phone out of her pocket and sending a quick text to Pond.

_Ready to go?_

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket just as he had finished getting dressed into a plain white t-shirt and denim jeans. He had been practically living in those clothes since Torchwood had given them to him on the second day, and he couldn't wait to go out and buy something new. He took the phone out of his pocket- another gift from Torchwood- and smiled when he saw Rose's name come up. He replied to her swiftly before checking his hair in the mirror and going down the stairs to the foyer of the building.

They both arrived at around the same time, Rose dragging a suitcase behind her. Pond nodded at her, smiling, his hands in his pockets. He was travelling light; it wasn't as if he had much to bring with him, anyway. But Rose had another surprise for him.

"Hey! Look, before we go, you should go get your stuff."  
>"What stuff?" He asked, puzzled.<p>

Rose frowned. "Sorry, I thought someone would have told you. You had some things with you when you were taken in. The guys in Tech were holding on to them, sort of like evidence, I guess. But you can have them back now, since we're going."

Pond raised his eyebrows. This was news to him. But he followed Rose down another flight of stairs, to a room he hadn't been in before. Set out on a table before him were a few articles of clothing, a pocket watch, and a pen. He put the watch in his jeans pocket without a second thought, before picking up the pen, frowning.

"You had to keep a pen as evidence?" He said incredulously.

Rose just shrugged, picking up the clothes. "Want me to carry these in my suitcase?" She asked him. "I've got room."

"Hm? Oh, sure." He replied, putting the pen in his pocket next to the watch. "Thanks."

"What on Earth is that?" Pond cried loudly, giving Rose the fright of her life.  
>They were both sitting in the back of the Taxi that would take them back to London when Pond had cried out. It was his first time being outside of the Torchwood building since his arrival, and he had been making little comments about everything they had passed, but nothing had provoked such a reaction out of him so far.<p>

"What?" Rose said, looking alarmed.

"That! Don't tell me you can't see that!" He said, still talking loudly and excitedly.

Rose leaned over and looked out of his window. He was pointing at a large, blimp-like object in the sky. She breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back in her chair. She had been expecting something much worse.

"It's a Zeppelin, Pond. You must have seen them loads of times before."

But the look of awe on his face said differently. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open, studying the Zeppelin. She frowned, looking at him.

"I thought it was just your own personal memories that were gone. You should still be able to remember Zeppelins." She said in a concerned voice.

He shook his head, still staring in awe at the flying object. "Well, I don't. But it is really cool."

This worried Rose a little. She made a mental note to remember to mention this to the people in Torchwood 1. Not for the first time, she wished the Doctor was there. He would figure it out.

"Right! Here we are." Rose declared as the taxi driver pulled up outside the flat.

As Rose got her luggage out of the back of the Taxi, Pond got out and looked around. They were in the centre of London, amidst the people and the traffic and the loud buzz of the Zeppelins overhead. The area felt vaguely familiar to him, and he smiled, glad to be free of the underground institution that was Torchwood 2. The taxi drove off again, and the two climbed the stairs to the second floor, where Rose's flat was.

"You can have the spare room for a while, until you get your memories back." Rose said, opening the door with her key.

"However long that will be." Pond sighed. He was beginning to lose hope again, having had no breakthrough since remembering the red headed girl.

Rose patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "Don't worry about it. We'll help you."

He smiled weakly at her as they stepped in to the apartment. The place gave Rose mixed feelings. She was happy to be back, but the place felt empty without the Doctor bustling around the place, yelling at quiz shows on tv, or accidentally blowing things up trying to make them "a little more sonic".

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to steady her emotions. Then she turned back to Pond. "You're gonna need a job."

"I'll figure something out." He said offhandedly, studying the place. It didn't look like Rose lived here alone. "Do you live here with John?" He said, trying to stop the jealousy making it into his voice.

"Who?" Rose frowned, walking towards the kitchen.

"John? Your.. Well." He realized he didn't know exactly who he was to her. "Doctor Smith?"

"Oh." She said, and he didn't miss the sadness in her voice. "The Doctor. Yeah. He's not here at the moment, though."

"Where is he?" He said, unsure if he should ask or not.

Rose was quiet for a minute, her back turned to him. But when she turned back, she was wearing a smile. "Sorry Pond, classified Torchwood information."

He rolled his eyes. "Bloody Torchwood."

Rose nodded in a silent agreement, looking at one of the Doctor's ties still lying flung over the side of the couch. _Bloody Torchwood._

Pond was lying on his bed around an hour later, daydreaming, when there was a knock on his door. Rose opened the door and walked in. She was holding his clothes that he had picked up at Torchwood. "Want these back?" She said, holding them out to him.

He got up and took the clothes from her, laying them out on his bed. "I was really wearing this?" He said, smiling.

"Maybe you were on your way to a fancy dress party." She said, trying not to laugh.

"Oh, I don't know." He said, holding up a piece of clothing. "The bowtie is cool."

"Whatever you say." She replied, laughing freely now. "Oh, my parents are coming over soon, they haven't seen me since I went to Cardiff. They're just leaving the mansion now."

He looked at her in shock. "You lived in a mansion?"

Rose smiled, biting her lip. "Why is that surprising?"

He shook his head, gathering up the clothes to put in his wardrobe. "Dunno. You just don't look like a mansion type of girl."

"I know what you mean." Rose said. "It's a long story. Anyway, call me if you need anything."

Rose left the room and shut the door. _A mansion_. Pond thought incredulously. He couldn't imagine her growing up in a mansion.

And then something happened. He saw the mansion clearly in his head. He saw himself and Rose running through crowds of terrified people, Rose screaming that she had to go back for her Mum. He saw people falling, dying, at the hands of metal monsters.

And then something else happened. He remembered.

He remembered everything. He was the Doctor, and she was Rose Tyler, and he had somehow ended up in the parallel world. And he was _human_. And that was extremely, very not good.

He dropped the clothes he was still holding and ran towards the door. He had to tell her. She could help him. They could find the other him, they could find the TARDIS. He flung open the door and ran into the kitchen, feeling excited, scared, short of breath. Rose looked at him in shock. "What's wrong?" She said.

Her brown eyes were wide, her blonde hair tied up in a messy ponytail. And she looked so _beautiful_. He lost his train of thought just for a second, but that was all it took.

He forgot. His mind went back to being blank. As far as he was concerned, he was Mr. Pond, a human who had lost his memories. He shook his head, laughing slightly, feeling disoriented. "I don't.."

Rose was giving him a strange look, and he felt suddenly embarrassed. Why had he come running in here? "You know when you walk into a room for something, and then you forget why?" He said, smiling sheepishly.

Rose laughed, and he laughed with her, and the incident was forgotten. And maybe it was for the best, because when the Doctor was himself again, for those few brief seconds, he had wished that he could have stayed with Rose as a human, for the rest of his life.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry this chapter was delayed, my internet connection was acting up and now Microsoft Word has stopped working on my laptop.. I'm not too happy with this chapter, either, I had trouble writing it.. Sorry if it's not up to standard, guys. I'm going to try to upload another chapter tonight. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who :(**

"Where's that watch you had on you when you were brought in?"  
>Rose's voice broke through Pond's thoughts. He had been gazing at the television, daydreaming, while they waited for Rose's parents to arrive. He looked up at her, confused. "It's in my room. Why?"<p>

She shrugged, looking at him. "I don't know. Thought it might jog your memory somehow."

Pond shook his head, turning his gaze back towards the television. "Nope."

"It's just.." Rose began speaking again, and he turned back to her, resting his chin on the top of the couch. "You seemed more interested in the pen than in the watch. You barely looked at the watch."  
>Pond frowned. He wasn't sure why she was making such a big deal over it. "It's just a watch, though."<p>

She was looking at him curiously, her eyebrows raised. "Still. It's something from your old life. Thought you might be more interested, that's all."

"Nah." He replied. He got off the couch and stood next to her, leaning against the counter. "It's broken, anyway."

"Is it?" She said, her voice sounding surprised. "Did you open it?"

"Why would I?" He said, laughing. "It's broken!"

"Well how do you know it's broken if you didn't even open it?" She said. There was something about this that didn't seem right.

He looked at her, lost for words. It was just a watch. Why did she care so much?

He was saved by a knock at the door.

"Oh, there's Mum!" Rose said, looking towards the door. "I'll get it."

The incident with the watch was forgotten, and something in Pond felt deeply relieved, though he wasn't sure why.

Pond went to bed early that night, before Rose's family had left. The whole scene felt entirely too domestic to him, and for some reason he flinched when Rose's mum raised her hand near him, as if he thought she was going to hit him, much to Rose's amusement.

"He's just like the Doctor." Jackie sighed, when Pond nearly knocked over his tea when Jackie raised her arms to emphasise a point. "I'm not that scary."  
>"You hit the Doctor one of the first times you met him." Rose reminded her, smiling fondly at the memory. "I don't blame him."<p>

"Well, you've no excuse." She said, pointing at Pond.

"I'm just jumpy, I guess." He muttered, trying his best not to flinch as she pointed at him.

When Pond went to bed, Jackie found more comparisons between him and the Doctor. "He's rude, too!" She said, looking at his closed door.

"He's tired, Mum." Rose sighed, pouring more tea. "And it must have been hard for him, with you lot around. He doesn't even know if he has a family."

"Tony's tired, too." Pete said fondly, looking at his son.  
>Tony was curled up on the couch, his eyes half open. "I'm not." He argued sleepily, his sandy hair brushing against his forehead.<p>

"I'm sure." Jackie replied. She looked up at Pete. "Take him home, will you Pete? I'll get a taxi later."

Rose was about to protest, saying that it was getting late and she was ready to go to bed herself, but Jackie flashed her a look that said she wanted to speak to Rose in private, so Rose stayed quiet.

Once Pete and Tony had gone back to the mansion, Jackie didn't waste any time in getting straight to the point.

"You're not sleeping." She said. It was a statement, not a question, but Rose argued anyway.

"I'm fine, Mum." She started, but Jackie cut her off, holding up her hand. "Don't lie to me, Rose. You look exhausted. It's because of The Doctor, isn't it?"

Rose said nothing, just nodded slowly, looking at the ground.

"How long has he been gone?" Jackie said, lowering her voice.

Rose swallowed, trying to keep her voice level. "Almost two months." She replied.

"He'll be fine, Rose." Jackie said, trying to give her daughter hope. "He's been gone longer than this before."

"Yeah, but.." It was getting harder for Rose to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "It's different this time. He hasn't contacted me. Not even once."

"Oh, Rose." Jackie sighed, walking over to her daughter and embracing her. Rose clung to her, shaking, her eyes squeezed shut. It was the first time she had talked to anyone properly about her fears.

"What if something's happened, Mum?" She whispered into her mother's shoulder. "We haven't heard from any of them since they left. Not a single word. Not even Dad knows where they went."

Pete was the head of Torchwood 1, but the mission was top secret, their whereabouts known only by the team who went.

"Sshh, love. He's made it through worse."

"That was before." Rose said, her voice breaking. "He's half human now, Mum. He can't regenerate."

_I've only got one life, Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you._

The words that had given her so much hope, so long ago, on that day on the beach, now filled Rose with dread. What if something had happened? She thought of her Doctor, so full of energy, always smiling and bouncing around. She thought of him lying cold and still. The tears she had managed to hold back until then spilled down her cheeks.

"I can't lose him again, Mum. I can't." She was sobbing into her mother's cardigan, and Jackie held her tightly, making soothing noises. "I love him."

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Jackie replied. She gave up on trying to make Rose feel better, because deep down, Jackie was beginning to lose hope, too.

She didn't think The Doctor was coming back.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N Thanks for all the support so far, guys.** **I know this one is short, but please**** let me know what you think. Your reviews inspire me to keep writing. By the way, I was listening to Gone Away by the band Safetysuit while I wrote this chapter, I'd recommend looking it up :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

When Rose walked in to work that morning, she thought it was going to be a normal day.

She was so wrong.

It started ordinarily enough; she left Pond sleeping in his room, since it wasn't crucial that he went in to Torchwood that day. She looked at him curled up under the covers with jealousy, wishing she could have stayed in bed herself. Her Mum had been at the flat until the early hours of the morning, and even when Rose had fallen in to bed, the Doctor's face haunted her dreams, making a normal sleep impossible. Her talk with her Mum had done nothing for her nerves- if anything, she was feeling worse. Jackie hadn't said anything, but Rose knew that she too was beginning to give up hope.

She shut her eyes tightly, forcing herself not to think about it. This was her first day back at Torchwood 1 in nearly two months, and she didn't want to break down before she even got there. She steeled her nerves as she approached the building, feeling slightly better at the familiarity of it all. Torchwood was well run by her father. She had to believe that her Doctor would be alright.

Everyone seemed fairly happy that Rose was back in London, nodding and waving at her as she walked down the corridor. In fact, they seemed in a much better mood than usual. The corridors and rooms were filled with laughter and whistling. It wasn't that laughter was unheard of inside the building, just that it was a professional institute and people were usually more serious. As Rose approached the foyer, she saw a fellow worker named Lacey leaning down sifting through books on the shelf. Rose knew Lacey, and the two had talked a few times before, so Rose walked over to her.

"Hey, Lacey." Rose said.

Lacey looked up at Rose and grinned, seeing who it was. "Rose! You're back!"  
>Rose smiled, nodding. "I'm back. Listen, is it just me or does everyone seem to be in a really good mood today?"<p>

"It's not just you." Lacey laughed, standing up. "Spirits are high today."

As Lacey spoke, Cyprien and Blake, two other workers, walked past the two girls laughing loudly and excitedly.

"Not that I'm complaining," Rose said, shaking her head in wonder at the passers by. "But.. why?"

"Oh, sorry!" Lacey said, her smile growing bigger. "I thought they would have told you!"  
>"Told me what?" Rose said. She was getting slightly impatient now.<p>

"They have news on the mission." Lacey replied. "They're on their way home."

Less than an hour later, Rose sat in the meeting room, feeling happier than she had in months, since before the Doctor went off to God knows where. The mood in the room was excited and happy; lots of people had friends or relatives that had gone on the mission, and they had been worrying about them for the past few weeks, too. Rose hadn't been alone. But now everyone was laughing and joking freely. There was a loud buzz in the meeting room, and Rose found herself laughing along with everyone. He was coming home.

_He was coming back._

The buzz died down as Pete Tyler entered the room and sat at the table at the front of the room. There was something about the way he looked- sort of tired and withdrawn, that lowered the mood. He cleared his throat and looked down at the papers in his hand. Rose noticed that his hands were shaking slightly, and that tight, worried feeling that had been absent for the past hour came right back in to the pit of her stomach. Twelve pairs of eyes stared intently at Pete Tyler, waiting to hear what he had to say. There were far more than twelve workers at Torchwood 1, but only a few people had been let in to the room to hear the news on the mission. Rose was one of them. She watched her father as he shuffled through the papers. There were still a few excited whispers coming from around the room; people who hadn't yet noticed Pete's expression, but they quietened down, too, as he spoke.

"I know there have been rumours going around this morning about news on the mission." Pete began. He was still looking at his hands instead of looking his workers in the eye. "And they are- mostly- true. The team sent to investigate a possible alien life form are on their way back to London."

Rose let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding in, closing her eyes and leaning back in her chair. She had been worrying for nothing.

"However.." Pete continued, and Rose's eyes shot open. She knew her father, and she knew whatever he was about to say next wasn't good. "All we have been able to receive from them was a single message. They weren't able to say much. But they did say this."

Pete's gaze focused on Rose for a second before he dropped his eyes to the papers again. "The mission was a failure. It appears to have been a trap, although they didn't go into details."

Rose's heart was thudding in her chest. Everything seemed too loud, every second seemed to go on for a lifetime.

"There have been.." Pete stopped for a moment, clearing his throat again. "Casualties."

Rose held her breath.

"And Doctor John Noble-Smith-"

"No." She whispered, her voice shaking.

She thought she was about to pass looked her in the eye, his expression full of remorse.

"Missing. Presumed dead."

The minute after her father spoke those horrible words was the longest moment of Rose's entire life. It didn't even sink in at first- she thought they must have been talking about someone else- _anyone else._ But not him._ Not him. _She was aware of everyone looking at her with pity, whispering words of regret. She couldn't take her eyes off her father. The room suddenly seemed too bright, and she fought to say even one word, but nothing came. And then she was aware of someone holding her up before she fell into darkness.

_He's gone._


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N This one is long and very angsty. Just warning you! I'm going to upload another one tonight. And that one will have lots of Pond in it, because I've been neglecting him. I'm sorry, Pond.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

Pond was in the flat when he heard the news.

He had woken up early enough, feeling slightly disoriented. It took him a minute to realize where he was, but then he remembered. He was in London with Rose. The thought made him smile, and he got out of bed, getting dressed quickly. He was slightly disappointed when he realized Rose had gone to work without him. She probably thought she was doing him a favour, but he knew he would be bored in the flat all day. And, if he was honest with himself, he just didn't feel right when she wasn't around. He looked out the window on to the busy London streets below, and wondered briefly how it had come to this.  
>Before all this, he had a life of his own. He doubted it revolved around Torchwood and aliens- he had a normal life. He must have had a family, and friends, and a real home- not sharing a flat with someone he had just met. He let out a sigh, wondering if he would ever find out who he was. Maybe he and Rose could start looking properly once she got back that evening.<p>

_Rose._

He smiled, thinking about her. God, even her name made him smile. She just fascinated him; everything she did seemed amazing. And she was so beautiful.  
>Pond shook his head suddenly, the smile fading. No. He shouldn't be thinking like that. Rose loved that Doctor of hers, any fool could see that, just from the way she talked about him. For all Pond knew, he could have a girlfriend, maybe even kids, back in his old life. He just needed to find them, just needed to remember. He didn't even know Rose all that well.<br>Pond was fighting an inner battle with his feelings, and he knew he was losing, because when he walked past her room he caught the scent of the perfume she wore, and his insides twisted painfully. He missed her, and she had only been gone for a few hours.  
>Just as he wished he could see her now, his mobile phone rang. He looked down at it, grinning widely when he saw Rose's name on the screen. But it wasn't Rose's voice who answered.<p>

"Rose?"

"Pond, it's Pete, Rose's father. Listen, something happened today.."

Pond's smile was replaced with a look of horror as Pete filled him in on what happened.  
>"I'll be right there." Pond said in a low voice.<p>

Rose woke up in Pete's office, her head pounding. Pete was leaning over her, the lines in his forehead more prominent, showing his concern. Another man stood by Pete's desk, looking tired and weary. He looked vaguely familiar to Rose, but she couldn't find a name to fit the face.

"Rose? You awake?" Pete asked softly, touching her face.  
>Rose made a non-committal noise and raised her head, only to flinch and lay back down again.<br>"What happened?" She said groggily, still feeling disoriented. "Did I faint?"  
>"Rose, love, you've had a bit of a shock. I've called your friend Pond to take you back to the flat."<br>"Pond?" Rose said, confused. "Why did you.."

And then suddenly, it all came flooding back.

"Oh my God. The Doctor." She whispered as she remembered.

"Now, Rose, don't get too-" Pete started, but Rose was already standing, and, although unsteady on her feet, she was was glaring at Pete with determination.

"Right! We need to get people out there, right now. We need to find him."

"Rose, stop." Pete sighed, but Rose ignored him, checking her watch for the time.

"It's eleven now. If we leave now we could get there before dark. At least that's what I'm assuming. Where were they, anyway?"

"Rose, we're not going to look for him."

She froze on the spot, hardly daring to believe what she just heard. She looked up slowly, making eye contact with her father. He was looking at her with steely determination, and she returned the look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She said slowly. "Of course we are."

"No." He said. "The area's been sealed off. It's too dangerous to go there. I won't allow it."

Rose could feel cold fury rising up in her, and she struggled to not start shouting. "We need to get the Doctor. We're not just leaving him there, he needs our help! I don't give a damn if you don't allow it! He needs to make it back!"

"Rose!" Pete was yelling now. "He's dead, Rose! "

"No, you can't just assume that." Rose said, raising her voice to match her father's. "He's not dead, he's missing, we just need to find him."

"I'm sorry." Pete's voice was low again, and he was looking at her with such remorse that Rose had to drop her gaze to the floor. She didn't want to be pitied.

"He couldn't have survived." The pale, thin man standing by Pete's desk spoke at last, and Rose looked up at him in shock. She had almost forgotten he was there.

"Who are you?" She said bitterly, not caring how rude she sounded.

"My name's Sam. I was on the mission with Doctor Smith."

Rose suddenly felt an enormous hatred from the man who stood timidly in front of her. "You were there? And you just left him behind?"

"W-we had no choice, Miss Tyler." He stammered. "He told us to."

Rose stopped in her tracks, staring at Sam with her mouth open. "What?" She whispered.

"Y-yes. As soon as we got there, Dr. Smith knew something was wrong. We used the tracker and followed it to where it sensed the alien life was, b-but it.." He swallowed, his face growing even more pale.  
>"It wasn't life. I don't even know what it was. Dr. Smith seemed to know, though. He.. um.."<p>

"What?" Rose said, her heart pounding. "What happened?"

Sam cleared his throat before continuing. "He looked scared. Told us all to leave. There was a small village near the place where we found it. He got us to clear them all out and told us to get as far away as possible. We walked for miles- all of us. The team, the village people."

"But not the Doctor." Rose finished for him. She felt sick.

Sam shook his head. "No. He stayed. And then, just as we were about to ask him what to do next, the communicator got cut off. And there was.. there was an explosion."

Rose closed her eyes, shaking her head. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't.

"The explosion was huge- it wiped out everything within a twenty mile radius. The forest was gone, even the village."

"He could still be alright." Rose said, but the words felt empty.

"I'm sorry." Sam said. "We went back.. there was nothing there. Nothing. We did try, Miss Tyler. We searched for what seemed like hours. Everything was gone."

Rose shook her head. "No. We have to go back."

Sam dropped his gaze to the floor, giving up.

Pete took over, resting his hand on Rose's shoulder. "I'm sorry, love. You heard Sam. It's no use."

Rage took over Rose, and she pushed Pete off her. "No!" She replied, yelling again. "No, you don't know what he's capable of! He wouldn't just leave me, Dad! He wouldn't! Let go of me!" She screamed, as Pete grabbed her, trying to calm her down.

"He's saved this stupid planet more times than you even know, in this world and the other! Don't you dare give up on him"  
>Rose felt herself growing of the corner of her eye she saw Pete nod to someone outside the door. He turned to Rose and grabbed her arms, steadying her.<p>

"Sorry, sweetheart."

Rose didn't even have time to reply before she felt strong arms grabbing her from behind and the sting of a needle in her neck.

"Don't.." She whispered, but she was already growing tired. For the second time that day, her world grew dark. She thought she wouldn't have minded if she didn't wake up again.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N; I am so sorry about the delay in this chapter. My laptop seems to be breaking down completely , and this was the first chance I had to get to a different computer. I'm also sorry about how short this chapter is because I had to rush it. I promise to get another one up before the end of the night. Thanks for being so patient!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

It took Pond longer than he had expected to arrive at Torchwood.

For one thing, he forgot Torchwood 1 had a codename, and spent more than fifteen minutes argueing with the taxi driver that Torchwood _was _a real place before he remembered they called it Canary Wharf.

Another thing was that he had spent a while sitting in the flat in shocked silence. Rose's Doctor was dead. He could barely fathom just how much he meant to Rose, but he knew she would be heartbroken. He wasn't sure how she was going to cope. He knew Rose was strong- but he also knew that grief had brought people stronger than her to their knees.

He didn't know why he was so sure of that. He had a feeling that he had lost people important to him in his past life.

But of one thing he was positive. Rose Tyler would need him more than ever now. And he was going to stick by her.

No matter what.

Rose dreamed of the Doctor.

She dreamed about him almost every night, but this time it was different. In her drug induced sleep, the Doctor's face floated in front of her, just out of her reach. He was calling to her, his dark eyes filled with sorrow. He was reaching out for her hand, and though she tried, she just couldn't grasp it.

_I'm still just an image. No touch._

In her dream she was crying, a harsh wind whipping her hair around. She realized she was back on Bad Wolf Bay. She had lost him.

Again.

When Pond finally arrived outside Torchwood 1, he found Pete Tyler waiting for him outside the door, looking resigned and worn out. He nodded at Pond as he approached, holding out his hand. Pond shook it limply before getting straight to the point.

"How is she?" He said, dreading the answer.

"She's sleeping." Pete said, looking guilty.

"She's still passed out?" Pond said, shocked. It had been over an hour since he had gotten the phone call from Pete saying that Rose had fainted after hearing what had happened.

"Not exactly." Pete said, pinching the bridge of his nose in a way that said he was stressed out. He was leading Pond up the stairs. "We had to, er, calm her down."  
>Pond stopped in his tracks, staring at Pete in disbelief. "You drugged her?"<p>

Pete turned around, looking more tired than ever. "We didn't have a choice. She was becoming hysterical."

Pond felt a deep sympathy for Rose, but at the same time he was glad he hadn't had to see her like that. It didn't change the anger he felt for Pete at that moment, though.

"You can't do that! You should have expected this, she's clearly in shock. For God's sake, she's your daughter!"

"She's not my-" Pete started, his voice raised, but then he stopped himself. He took a deep breath, looking pleadingly at Pond.

"I didn't know what else to do."

Pond hesitated only for a minute before allowing Pete to lead him down the corridor, into the medical unit.

Rose's dream was getting stranger, more intricate- more real. She was with the Doctor again, and it was so clear that she could almost count the faint freckles on his face. They weren't on Bad Wolf Bay anymore. They weren't anywhere. The whole place was dark, and the Doctor was all that Rose could see. He was grasping her hands tightly, looking at her intensely. She could almost feel the weight of his hands against hers. They spent a moment just looking at eachother, Rose drinking him in, never wanting to forget any detail of him.

"You're dead." She whispered. She only allowed herself to say it out loud because it was a dream- she knew it was a dream. She would never allow herself to believe it while she was awake.

The Doctor said nothing, just kept looking at her, although his eyes were brimming up with tears. The image terrified her. He was usually so able to keep his emotions hidden.

"Find me." He whispered, his hand moving to her face.  
>"I will." Rose promised, looking at him.<p>

He smiled softly at her, but then something happened. He wasn't the Doctor anymore. His hair was longer, lighter. His eyes had changed to a clear green, but he was still looking at her in the same intense way. "Rose." He said urgently. "Find me."

"Pond?" She whispered.

"Find me." He said once more, before fading away.

"Rose?" Pond stood by her bed, touching her arm uncertainly. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow like a golden halo, and he was stunned momentarily by how beautiful she looked. He cleared the thought from his mind and touched her arm again, shaking it gently. "Rose."

Suddenly her eyes shot open. She looked at him and grabbed his arm, pulling him closer to her. Her eyes were wide, her breaths coming in short gasps. "Doctor!"

He looked at her in shock, scaldingly aware of how close he was to her. "N-No. Rose, it's me. It's Pond."

She looked at him in confusion, her hand still tight around him. After a moment, she loosened her grip, letting her hand slide back into place by her side. "Sorry. For a second there, I thought.."

She shook her head. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Pond said breathlessly.

But it wasn't. Because for that split second, Rose's eyes had been filled with nothing but love for him. She had thought he was Doctor Smith. And she had loved him- just for a second.

Pond pulled up a chair and sat down on it, shakily. He was terririfed.

Because that was the moment where he had realized that he was in love with Rose Tyler.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: I promised another chapter tonight, and I've delivered! Well.. At 4:30 am. Same difference. Please review, and thanks so much to everyone who's reading and enjoying this so far!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

The next couple of days passed in a blur for Rose. She felt numb, felt like she was going through the motions of life rather than actually living. Pete decided that she should take some time off. He told her that before she left the medical unit. She didn't even look at him.

She felt betrayed by him, by everyone in Torchwood. After everything the Doctor had done for them, and they wouldn't even help to find him. She still had Pond, and she was so grateful for that. He was the only person she could bear to be around. She hadn't even seen her mother since the night before she found out about the Doctor.

Rose liked being around Pond because he didn't constantly ask her how she was feeling. He didn't pry. He could tell when she wanted to talk and when she wanted to be quiet.

Rose acted like she was fine, but of course, she wasn't. She hid behind a mask, hiding how she was really feeling. She would brush off any questions by saying that she was alright.

She thought that this must be how the Doctor had felt when he lost everything.

Because she had. As far has Rose Tyler was concerned, she had lost everything.

She never let herself consider the possibility that he wasn't coming back. She knew she was going to find him, one way or another. So she kept smiling.

As the phone rang for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Pond looked up from the book he was reading, looking in Rose's direction. "Are you going to answer that?" He said, frowning.

Rose was looking at an atlas, muttering to herself, crossing out countries and writing little notes on the side. She looked up at him as he spoke. "It's probably Mum." She said. "I'll call her back later."

"Rose, you've been saying that for the last three days." Pond sighed.

"Has it really been three days?" She said, sounding like she couoldn't believe it. She looked back down at the atlas, shrugging. "You can unhook the phone if it's bothering you. I don't really feel like talking to her."

Pond sat in silence for a moment, unsure whether he should take the conversation any further. It had been three days since he had brought Rose back from the flat after the incident at work, and she hadn't said much about what had happened. He had stayed away from it, kept from prying. He thought she would talk when she was ready. But at this stage it seemed like she was just going to stay quiet about it forever. He didn't want her to feel like he was pressuring her into talking about something that she wasn't ready to talk about, but at the same time, he didn't want her to waste away inside the shell she had built around herself.

Because he had noticed it, little cracks in her shell from time to time. When she thought he couldn't see her, or if she came across something the Doctor had owned in the flat. Sometimes the shell would crack, and she would look as though she was about to burst into tears.  
>He hadn't seen her cry. He didn't think she had cried at all, which worried him. Didn't grief usually cause humans to cry?<br>He stopped himself, shaking his head. Had he really thought that? Had he just referred to people as humans, like he wasn't one of them? He sighed heavily. He needed fresh air.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asked hopefully.

Rose shook her head, not taking her eyes off the book in front of her. Pond nodded. He had been expecting that. She hadn't left the flat since that day, always scribbling in that bloody atlas.

"Rose, I think you should come with me." Pond said in a stern voice.

That got Rose's attention. She looked up, surprise on her face. "I'm fine here." She said. "Thanks, though. Maybe next time."

"Rose, you can't.." He swallowed, not sure if he was doing the right thing. It was still early days, after all. "You can't just sit in the flat all day, reading the atlas. You need to get out. You need to stop ignoring your parents." He stopped, studying her face.

Her expression was carefully neutral, but he thought he caught a hint of annoyance in her gaze. Oh, well. Better than nothing.

"You need to talk to me." He finished. "..Please." He added as an afterthought.

"I don't need to talk. I'm fine." Rose said, and it hurt her to say it, to lie to Pond, even if he saw straight through her.

"Rose.." He started again, sighing, but Rose stopped him.

"I'm keeping busy, see?" She said, holding up the atlas.

"Yeah, what's with the atlas?" He said, genuinely curious. He had asked her what she was doing with it when she first picked it up but she had ignored him.

"Oh, this and that." She muttered, flicking through the pages.

Pond stood up, running a hand through his hair. "You're trying to figure out where they went." He said. "You're still going to try to find him." It was a statement, not a question, but Rose answered anyway.

"Yeah." She admitted, catching his eye. She was surprised by how concerned he looked."Is there a problem with that?"

"Rose, you're.. I'm sorry, you're not going to find him." Pond said. He hated saying it, hated seeing the hurt on her face as her mask momentarily fell.

"I can try." She whispered, her voice sounding desperate.

"Oh, Rose." Pond said quietly, moving over to her side of the table. He gathered her in a hug, and she let her head fall against his chest, hearing his heartbeat through the cotton jumper he was wearing. She closed her eyes, trying to think about anything but the conversation they were having. She knew if she thought too much, she might lose the already shaky grip she had on her emotions.

Pond held Rose tightly against him, and he'd be lying if he said that he was only thinking about comforting her in that moment. He felt her silky hair on his cheek as he rested his chin on her head, wrapping his arms around her. He found himself wondering how it would be if they could be like this all the time, if he could call Rose his own. He knew how selfish his thoughts were, but he couldn't stop them. He allowed himself to imagine.

He felt an odd sort of anger towards Rose's Doctor. He couldn't believe he had left her to go on that mission to God knows where. Pond thought that if he had her, he wouldn't leave her out of his sight. He tightened his grip on her subconsciously, but the spell was broken when Rose spoke.

"Tomorrow we're going to find your family." She said.

He pulled away from her, still touching her hand. She didn't hold his, but she didn't pull away either. "Sorry. I know we should've been doing it from the start, but with all this stuff.." She trailed off thoughtfully before looking at him again. "Me and you. We'll find something tomorrow. Promise." She smiled at him, and he smiled back, even though inside he was thinking that he didn't care if they found out who he used to be. Because he liked this strange little life he had built around her.

He was Pond and she was Rose.

And they were brilliant.

"Look, go on that walk." She said, moving her hand away and standing up. Pond straightened up, too, feeling sheepish. "I'll call my Mum back."

He nodded, grabbing a jacket from the back of his chair. "I'm gonna go to the little shop. Want anything?"

Rose shook her head, stretching, glancing towards the phone. "I'm alright. What are you getting?"

"Oh, I dunno. Think I'm in the mood for bananas." He headed down the hall. "Bananas are good." He said, almost thoughtfully, before he went out the door.

Rose didn't call her Mum. Instead, as soon as Pond closed the door behind him, she went into the room she shared with the Doctor. She lay down on her bed, pulling the cover over her, and for the first time, she allowed herself to cry. She cried for everything that she had lost, everything she knew could never happen. She cried for the Doctor. And she cried for herself, because how could she ever get over him when the stranger in her flat reminded her of him in so many ways?


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Getting quite close to the end** **now! Please let me know what you think :)**

Pond still had nightmares.

They weren't half as bad as they used to be; being with Rose had eased his mind somehow. He could usually sleep through his dreams now, they weren't bad enough to wake him up in the middle of the night, screaming, shaking, gasping for breath.  
>But every morning when he woke up, he felt a horrible sense of loss, like there was an aching hole in him. Like he was forgetting something important, so, <em>so<em> important. But as the day went on, the feeling would fade away, and he would forget.

Rose, however, wan't so lucky.

Since she had let her guard down and allowed herself to cry, allowed herself to think just for a few minutes that the Doctor was gone for good, it was like the barrier was gone. She couldn't hide as well as she used to. Her mask was gone.  
>If she thought about him for too long, she would make a pitiful excuse and lock herself into her room. She would be quiet, but when she'd come out, Pond would always notice that her eyes were glassy, rimmed red.<br>It was always worst at night, when she was lying in bed, praying for sleep that rarely came. Their room was full of his things, and his side of the bed still held his scent. Rose often found herself rolling over to lie on his side, closing her eyes, breathing him in.  
>Pond would hear her crying at night, but he never said anything, and neither did she.<p>

After a week of searching fruitlessly, both for Pond's family and the Doctor, Rose and Pond's spirits were getting had researched the name Pond and found there was a Pond family living in a small village called Leadworth. Since the name wasn't very common, they had both gotten excited. They had packed up and left that morning, convinced that they were finally getting somewhere.  
>But when they arrived, there was no sign of the red haired girl that Pond had remembered. There were only two Ponds living in Leadworth having moved there from Scotland, and they were an older couple who never had any children.<br>They were sympathetic to Pond's problem, but explained that none of their family had gone missing, nor had they heard of anyone going missing from their extended family. They said they'd keep an ear out, but Pond was feeling more hopeless than he ever had.

"It's no use." He said sighing, as they got out of the Taxi in London central. "I'm no one. No one's looking for me."  
>Rose shot him a sad look, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Don't think like that." She said sympathetically. "We're not giving up, alright?"<br>Pond looked down at her and smiled gratefully. "If you say so." He replied.  
>"I do say so." Rose said distractedly, looking through her purse. "Right, we've got one more thing to do today, then we can relax."<br>"Oh? What's that then?" Pond said, looking over her shoulder as she pulled out a scrap of paper.  
>She looked up at him again, waving the scrap of paper. "We're going to see Mike."<p>

"Mike's gonna help you get all sorts of ID. He's gonna give you a proper name too. And a passport, birth certificate, stuff like that. He's really good at it."  
>They were walking down an alley in a part of London Pond didn't recognise. He was listening carefully to Rose as she spoke, frowning.<br>"He's giving me an identity?"  
>"Pretty much." Rose shrugged. She looked up at him, smiling with her tongue between her teeth. "Don't worry about it. He's a professional."<br>"Is this, um.. Is this legal?" Pond asked, unsure.  
>They were standing outside what was probably the most shady looking building Pond had ever seen. Rose knocked on the door three times, before standing back next to Pond.<br>"Not exactly." She admitted. "But he's helped me out in the past."

Pond barely had time to wonder what on Earth Rose would have needed him for before the door opened. A tall, well built man with almond shaped hazel eyes and spikey black hair stood in front of them. He rolled his eyes when he saw Rose. "You again."  
>"Did you miss me?" Rose smiled before walking into the building.<p>

"This is the third time, Tyler." Mike said, smiling in amusement. "Where do you find these people?"  
>"Oh, y'know." Rose replied, avoiding the question. She and Pond were sitting down on a battered couch while Mike opened drawers and cupboards, pulling out files and sheets of paper. There was a large computer on the desk that looked like it cost more than anything else in the house, maybe even more than the house itself.<br>Pond sat quietly, still unsure what exactly was going on.  
>"Right." Mike said, gathering sheets of paper together and looking at Pond. "Name?"<br>"Oh, Pond." He answered, feeling self conscious.  
>"Yeah, your real name." Mike sighed.<br>"That's the only name he has, Mike." Rose butted in. "Memory loss."  
>"Doesn't even have a name?" Mike muttered, typing something into his computer. "At least you and that Doctor of yours had proper details."<br>Pond looked over at Rose in surprise, but she deliberately avoided his gaze, staring straight ahead.

Two hours later, they walked out of the building with fake birth certificates, passports, driving licenses - even though Pond wasn't sure if he knew how to drive- all saying the name John Pond.  
>"I won't be calling you John, if you don't mind." Rose said, rolling her eyes. "Mike isn't very original."<br>"Mm." Pond replied half heartedly. He was shuffling through his newly collected papers. "This is so weird."  
>"You get used to it." Rose said, grinning.<br>"How much did that all cost?" Pond said suddenly. "That can't have been cheap."  
>Rose shrugged. "It's free. The Doctor helped him out with a problem a couple years owes us."<br>"Yeah, I meant to ask.." Pond began, putting the papers into the shoulder bag he had on him. "Mike said you and the Doctor needed him to make you identities.. Why did you need new identities?"

Rose stayed quiet, walking a few steps ahead of Pond as they left the alley and arrived back on the crowded streets of central London.  
>"Rose?" He tried again, touchign her arm.<br>She looked up at him, smiling though her eyes were watering. "Pond, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The two were quiet for most of the journey home, both caught up in their own thoughts. Rose was thinking about her Mum. She had eventually called her and convinced her that she was going to be alright, but things between herself and her father were still frosty. She knew she was going to have to speak to him again. She had gone nineteen years of her life without having a Dad, and she knew how it hurt. She had gotten him back, against all the odds, and there was no way she was throwing that away, even after what he had done. The Doctor had given her her father back.  
>She cleared her throat, looking at the ground so Pond wouldn't see her eyes filling up again for what felt like the tenth time that day.<p>

Pond was thinking about Rose. He had always thought there was something special about her, from the moment he opened his eyes and saw her standing over him. But he was beginning to realize there was a lot more to her story than he had first thought.

He thought she was incredible. 


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N Sorry about the delay, I have so much college work to do, it's ridiculous. I'm going to try and get another chapter up tonight, despite it being three in the morning here. Please review- and thanks so much to everyone who's read this so far. **

Pond arrived back at the flat that day feeling worn out. He had spent the best part of the day trying to find a job, but to no avail. He used his key and walked into the sitting room, where Rose was leaning against the counter, lost in a daydream. She looked up at him as he arrived, sparing him a smile.

"Any luck?" She asked.

"None whatsoever." He sighed, throwing his jacket onto the chair. "How hard can it be to get a job in a bloody shop?"

"I worked in a shop once." Rose said dismissively. "Then the Doctor blew it up."

Pond looked at her in disbelief, opening his mouth to say something, but a small voice stopped him.

"Hi, Pond." Tony Tyler said, popping his head out from over the couch.

"Oh, hi Tony." Pond replied, smiling. "What are you doing here?"

"Dad's at work, and Mum had to go out." Rose explained, as Tony turned his attention back to the television where cartoons were playing on the screen. "I said I'd look after him for a few hours."

"I'm old enough to look after myself." Tony grumbled, crossing his arms.

"I bet you are." Pond grinned, walking over to sit next to him. "What are you watching?"

"Cartoons." Tony replied, looking at Pond as though he were an idiot.

Rose snorted with laughter at the indignant look on her little brother's face. Pond flushed red, feeling embarrassed.

"Yes, I can see that." He muttered. He watched the screen for a moment, seeing the animated characters run around, His face broke into a smile again as he realized what was on.

"Red Riding Hood!" He exclaimed. "Cool!"

"Red Riding Hood is my favourite." Tony agreed. " It's the Doctor's favourite, too. We always watch it when he's home. We like the big bad wolf."

_Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf._

The words flashed in Pond's mind and he felt suddenly ill, despite having felt fine all day. He grimaced and turned around to ask Rose if there was any Panadol in the flat, but she had left the room. He heard her bedroom door shut, and he felt a wave of sadness wash over him. She was crying again, just because Tony mentioned the Doctor in passing. He thought maybe her emotional barrier was almost better than this. She seemed so broken.  
>He cleared his throat, turning back to Tony, forcing a smile. "Yeah, the bad wolf is cool."<p>

_B__ad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf._

Those two words stayed with him for the rest of the day and most of the night, an unrelenting thumping in his head, as constant and steady as his heartbeat. He wondered if it was worth mentioning to Rose, but he hadn't seen her for the rest of the day. He had gone into her room when Jackie arrived to pick up Tony but found her collapsed into an exhausted sleep. He decided not to wake her, and Jackie agreed with him, saying she needed the rest, what with everything that had happened recently.  
>With the flat now completely quiet without Tony's animated chatter or the cartoons on the television, the pounding in Pond's head got worse, the words becoming more pronounced. He decided to go to bed early, hoping he would feel better in the morning. The words flashed even as he slept.<p>

_Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf._

He dreamed of Rose again that night, glowing gold, terrible and beautiful all at once. It was not the first time he had dreamed of her, but it was different this time. It _felt_ different. Usually he dreamed of her being ripped away from his arms, over and over again, losing her in a thousand different ways. It was those dreams that usually had him waking up, his heart pounding. But this time was different.  
>She had come to save him. She had fought against every possibility, defied the laws of existence, to come back to him, to save him. He knew it was wrong. She stood in front of him, glowing, crying, full of all the knowledge in the Universe.<br>Dying.  
>That was when he knew he would give his life for the lost girl in front of him.<p>

"Pond?"

"Mm."

"Pond, wake up."

He felt someone shaking him, and he opened his eyes blearily, sleep fogging his brain. "Wha-?"

"Are you alright?"The voice asked, and he blinked a few times as the image came into focus.

"Rose?" He frowned as he recognized her. "What's wrong?" He was fully awake now. He grabbed her hand, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he readied himself to get up.

"Nothing's wrong." She said, smiling. "I think you were having a nightmare again."

"Oh." Pond allowed himself to breathe again, lying back down. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Yeah, I think I was."

He noticed that her eyes were rimmed red. It was obvious that she had been crying again. He felt his heart twinge in his chest.

"You okay?" He inquired softly.

Rose cleared her throat, wiping her eyes and giving him a watery smile. "I'm fine. Are you?"

Pond nodded. "Yeah. I don't.. I can't remember what I was dreaming about, though."

Rose studied him for a few moments, obviously unsure if she should say what was on her mind or not.

"You, er.. You were calling out."

"Was I?" Pond said, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I thought I had stopped that."

"Yeah." She stopped again, chewing her lip, before speaking. "You were calling my name."

Pond froze. He felt cold dread seep over him. Well, that was extremely, very not good.

"What did I say?" He whispered, terrified of the answer.

Rose shook her head, avoiding his gaze. "All I heard was my name. Everything else sounded like.. Well, like gibberish to be honest."

_Good_, Pond thought to himself in relief. He knew how he felt about Rose, and he also knew there was no way he wanted her to know how he felt.

"Um.. I should go back to bed, if you're sure you're alright?" Rose asked him tentatively.

Pond nodded, smiling weakly at her. "I'm fine." He assured her.

"Okay. Well then.. see you tomorrow." She replied, but she didn't move.

Pond looked at her in confusion. She had a strange look on her face.

"Er.. You're gonna have to let go of my hand." She said, smiling. Was she blushing?

"Oh! Right, sorry!" Pond hadn't even realized he was still holding her, but he released his grip quickly, feeling his face growing red. "I'll er, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Rose said, turning to leave the room. "Night."

"Night, Rose Tyler." He muttered , exhaustion settling in again. He turned on his side as he heard her bedroom door close again.  
>His hand was tingling from where she had touched it.<p> 


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Aha! It's 6:30 am, but I got another chapter up! Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter... Please? **

Pond woke up before Rose that morning, and he was just putting on the kettle when he heard Rose's phone ringing. He heard her groan as she was roused from sleep, and her groggy voice soon become alert as the conversation on the phone went on. He looked up in interest as Rose entered the kitchen, her blonde hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, the phone still up to her ear. She looked concerned, chewing subconsciously on her lip as she listened to the voice at the other end of the call.

"How many? ... Right ... Yeah, fine. I'll be there as fast as I can."

She hung up, letting out a sigh, before looking at Pond. "Morning." She said, her honey brown eyes fixed on him.

"Good morning." He replied, grinning. "What was that about?"

"It was my Dad. I'm going back to Torchwood." She said, looking flustered. "They've run into a bit of trouble and they need me."

"Oh." He replied, looking at her. She looked worried and excited all at once, and he realized how bored she must have been the past few weeks, cooped up in the flat. She fought aliens for a living, for God's sake.

"Let me help." He said suddenly, getting an idea. "Let me come with you."

She snorted with laughter. "Pond, I really don't think-"

"Come on, I bet I'd be great." He said, grinning. "And it sounds like you need all the help you can get."

She stopped in her tracks, studying Pond. She didn't know what it was about him, but she thought he'd be capable. Maybe she was going crazy, but she was going to trust her instinct. She shook her head, hardly believing she was agreeing to it.

"Fine." She said, unable to stop a smile creeping over her face as he jumped up and down.

"Ha! Brilliant!" he said, laughing. Then he stopped, looking at her sheepishly. "What exactly are we doing?"

...

"It's nothing too serious, just a few Weevils that came above ground. A few of them actually got into the Torchwood building, and we need to get 'em out. " Rose explained as they took the Taxi towards Canary Wharf.

"Okay." Pond said. The apprehension was beginning to set in. "And.. what are Weevils, exactly?"

"Monsters that live in the sewers." Rose said dismissively, searching for something in her bag.

"... Right." He said, stunned. "Nothing too serious."

...

"Okay!" Rose said once they were inside the lobby of the building. Her voice and stance had changed- she wasn't just the beautiful girl he lived with anymore. She was Rose Tyler- Defender Of The Earth. She lead Pond down a long, narrow hallway and opened a door to a room filled with weapons.

"Hold this." She said, handing him a small, silver revolver. She picked one up for herself at the same time.

"Don't use it." She warned, pointing at him. "I mean it. This is only insurance. We don't want to kill them, we're just trying to get them back underground. ONLY use that if it's completely necessary, and I'm talking total emergency."

Pond nodded, feeling more than slightly intimidated. She was good.

She flashed him a grin, hearing a commotion nearby. They were close. "Ready?" She said. There was a light in her eyes that hadn't been there before. t was obvious she loved the danger, the adrenaline that came with her line of work.

Pond nodded, steeling his courage, clutching the revolver nervously.

"Alright, try and lead them towards the doors. Dad said on the phone that there are sensors up to release a gas on anything extra terrestrial it senses. They'll be knocked out and we can get them back down to the sewers."

The crashes got closer, and Rose risked a glance down the corridor. "Here they come." She said, grimacing.

She caught Pond's eye and grinned. "Allons-y!" She cried.

"Geronimo!" Pond yelled. He couldn't believe what he was about to do.

...

What happened next was the most insane, dangerous, most incredible thing that he had ever experienced in his life.

It was _chaos_.

People were running, screaming, firing warning shots in the air. They were falling and hiding and throwing chairs and desks around.

He wasn't even sure what was happening most of the time, focusing on staying out of reach of the deadly claws and teeth that came with the Weevils, but with the adrenaline pumping through him, he was too excited to be afraid. He kept trying to lure one Weevil in particular towards the doors, but it's attention span seemed almost non existent, and as soon as Pond stepped out of reach it would turn its attention to a closer victim.  
>Through all the commotion, he heard the sound of laughter. He looked behind him quickly and found Rose running towards him, grinning. "Two down!" She said proudly, her hands on her hips. "Oh, I've missed this!"<p>

He smiled brightly, delighted to see her looking so happy. There were only two left now, and he was determined to get just one- to prove to Rose he wasn't totally useless. He got the same Weevil he had been spotting in his line of sight and whistled loudly. It turned to face him, snarling, saliva dripping from it's mouth. He began to feel terror rising in him again, but he thought how Rose kept cool, calm and collected, and forced himself to calm down.  
>The Weevil looked at him, advancing closer.<p>

"Just stay calm." Rose muttered quietly beside him. "Don't let it get too close." He could hear the smile in her voice.

He stayed still for one second.. two.. three..

Then he ran.

He knew it had worked this time. He heard the alien's grunts and heavy footsteps as it followed him quickly down the narrow corridor. He was so close to the doors now. He could see Pete and another middle aged man standing near the doors, ready to take away the Weevil once it was unconscious.

"Keep going!" Pete called, as Pond got closer.

"Well I was hardly going to stop!" Pond yelled back breathlessly.

The Weevil was so close now- Pond swore he could feel the creature's hot breath on the back of his neck. He gave into his instinct and ducked his head, feeling a whistle of air as the Weevil's claw missed him by inches. When the white smoke came shooting out from overhead, Pond dropped to the floor, covering his mouth. He heard the Weevil groan, and then felt it drop as a dead weight beside him, it's terrible claws inches from his face. Pond got up shakily, leaning on the counter for support as Pete and the other man picked up the Weevil between them, Pete nodding his thanks to Pond as they took it away, presumably back to the sewers.  
>Pond let out a sigh of relief before the excitement bubbled up inside him. He released an exhilarated laugh, running his hand through his hair. He couldn't believe what he had just done. It felt amazing.<p>

He backed away from the doors and ran back up to Rose. The area had quietened considerably now. Pond appeared to have gotten the last of the Weevils, and most people were trying to put the room back together, or skulking back to their offices to get out of the work. Rose was leaning against the wall, catching her breath. She grinned when she saw Pond approaching her.

"How was it?" She said.

"Fantastic! Brilliant! Amazing! Ha! Let's do it again!" His longish hair was sticking up messily and his jumper had a rip in it, but he was smiling brightly, a new light shining in his eyes. Rose couldn't help but laugh, because she knew she probably looked very similar to him at that moment.

Pond kept talking at a mile per minute, practically jumping up and down on the spot, unable to control his excitement.  
>Rose realized just how similar he was to the Doctor in that respect- with a child-like curiosity, boundless energy, easily overexcited; sometimes even a bit naive at times. He seemed so happy just because he had helped out. Rose's heart felt swollen as she looked at him.<p>

She only lost focus for a second, but that was all it took.

She saw Pond's face turn from happiness to pure horror as he noticed something before her. He ran to move her out of the way, but it was too late. She felt the crushing weight of a rogue Weevil on top of her, felt it's claws digging into her.

She heard Pond screaming her name before she felt a blinding pain in her chest and it all went dark.

...

By the time he saw it creeping up the corridor, it was too late.  
>He was too stupid, too naively happy. He had thought they were safe.<br>It was his fault.

Rose was being attacked by a Weevil, and it was his fault.

And now he wasn't even _doing _anything about it.

He stood there, frozen to the spot, his hand on the gun in his coat pocket but making no effort to take it out. He couldn't- he was too shocked. Everything was happening too quickly.

"Pond." He heard his name weakly being called, and that was all it took.

He snapped himself out of his had felt like he had been still for a lifetime, when it was probably only five seconds at the most. But now he was back in action. Rose needed him. He took the revolver out of his pocket and aimed it at the Weevil. He was pretty sure this counted as an emergency.

The second he pulled the trigger, he knew he was going to feel guilty about it.

The Weevil cried out in pain, blood running from the wound Pond had made in its side, before it collapsed on top of Rose.

Pond didn't hesitate. He ran over to her, shifting the heavy creature off her.

"No." He whispered. He felt light headed just by looking at her.

She was so still. She was _too _still.

_There was so much blood._

"Rose." He managed to gasp her name, dropping to his knees by her side.

Her eyes were closed, and it took everything in him not to start screaming. Instead, he cupped her face, shaking profusely.

"Rose." He repeated. "Wake up."

She didn't respond. He noticed that his hand was wet with blood. Her blood.

It looked like the Weevil had gotten two strong swipes at her before Pond had taken it out. There was a deep cut just above her stomach, and another on her throat, which was where most of the blood was coming from.

"Help." He tried to cry out, but his voice was nothing more than a whisper. He tried again, making no effort to disguise the tears that were flowing freely from his eyes. "Help! Help us!" He cried out, louder this time.

He pulled Rose closer to him, holding her against his chest. "Rose, please." He whispered her name into her ear, feeling like he could throw up at any second.

_This couldn't be happening._

__"Oh, Jesus. Is that Pete's daughter?" A voice exclaimed from behind him.

Pond didn't even look up, continued whispering into Rose's ear. He thought briefly that he might be in shock, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

"Get a Doctor." The voice behind him demanded. "And call Pete."

"Yes sir." Another, higher pitched voice said.

"Don't leave me." Pond begged, holding Rose tightly. "I can't do this without you."

"Son, let her down." The voice said.

Pond didn't listen, kept clinging to her, waiting for her to wake up. She had to wake up.

"Let her down." The voice demanded again. "Let her breathe."

"Yes. Right. Breathing's good." Pond muttered, thinking out loud to himself in his shocked state.

A strangled sob left him as he lay her out flat on the floor again. The wound on her neck was gushing blood, and he couldn't see her breathing. He gripped her hand tightly, leaning over her again.

She couldn't die.

What was he supposed to do if she was gone?

The thought was too terrible for him to even contemplate.

"I need you. Please, Rose, stay with me."

Still. She was so still.

"Oh, Christ. Rose." It was Pete.

He heard Pete's voice beside him, but he didn't look up. He kept his eyes on Rose, begging for a miracle.

"Pond, let her go. She needs to get to the medical unit right now."

"No, don't take her away." Pond begged. Some part of him realized that he must sound crazy, but he didn't care. "Don't take her away from me."

He did something that he never would have done in any other circumstance.

He leaned down and kissed her lips gently.

Oh God, they already felt cold.

"Right, come on." He felt strong arms lifting him back from her, and he allowed them. He was too tired to fight back. He felt hopeless. Utterly hopeless.

"Come on, sweetheart." Pete said, lifting his daughter from the ground and placing her on the stretcher they had brought in.

Pond was still sitting on the floor, feeling as though he would faint if he stood up. The strong arms still held him back, although he was making no effort to struggle.

He tasted a horrible metallic tinge on his lips.

"She's bleeding internally." He heard one of the doctors say as they took her away from him.

Blood. He had blood on his lips. Rose's blood.

"She's not going to make it." He heard another one say.

Pond sat there, his fingers on his lips, hearing that one sentence being played over and over again in his head.

_She's not going to make it._


	15. Chapter 14

Pond sat on a cold metal chair in the waiting room, staring into space. Someone had come by earlier and given him a cup of tea, but it had long since grown cold. He held it tightly, his knuckles white from the pressure. He felt numb. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there- it felt like forever.

As soon as they had gotten Rose to the medical unit, she had been rushed straight into surgery with a team of doctors by her side. He could tell by their faces that they didn't think she had much of a chance. But she had to. _She had to._

Pete had disappeared into his office quickly after Rose had been taken into surgery. Probably to call Jackie, Pond thought.  
>He found out he was right as the double doors burst open and in ran a frantic Jackie Tyler, her hair dripping wet. It was obvious she had left in a hurry. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Pond sitting down in the corridor with a lost expression on his face.<p>

"Where is she?" Jackie demanded, her voice panicked. "Where's Rose?"

Pond didn't look at her. He nodded towards the surgery doors. "In there." He said quietly. His voice sounded so lost in the echoing corridor.

"I can't believe this. I told her to be careful. I _told_ her. And now she's- she's-" Jackie's voice was growing more distraught with each word, until finally she couldn't even speak.

Pond looked up at her at last, his eyes full of remorse. "I'm sorry, Jackie. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, shut it. You're just like him." She snapped, her own blue eyes shining with tears.

Pond frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

He opened his mouth to ask, but was cut off by the surgery doors opening. He jumped out of his seat without even realizing, spilling the untouched tea to the ground. He didn't notice, nor care. All he could think about was her.  
>"Is she alright?" Pond and Jackie asked together, in the same fretting tone. They were both afraid of the answer.<p>

The surgeon's voice was grave as he spoke. "She's lost a lot of blood." He said seriously. "And there is some damage to the internal organs. It also seems that when she fell she hit her head rather badly. There's some head trauma. We've had to induce a coma."

Pond felt his blood run cold.

"My daughter.. is in a coma?" Jackie said incredulously beside him, her voice barely above a whisper.  
>He looked at her. She was as white as a sheet. He thought he must have looked the same.<p>

"It's temporary." He assured them. "We don't want the brain swelling. She should be able to pull herself out of it if the brain heals a bit."

"If?" Pond repeated. He felt faint.

The surgeon said nothing. Jackie spoke again.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"We won't know that for sure until she wakes up." He replied. "It was a serious attack."

Jackie swallowed audibly, the tears still shining in her eyes. "Can I see her?"

...

She didn't look like Rose.

She still had the blonde hair, but that was where the similarities eyes were closed, so he couldn't see the honey brown orbs he loved so much. Her face was devoid of the smile she so often wore. She looked like a stranger.

When they first walked into the room where she was staying, Pond just stood at the door. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Jackie ran straight over and took her hand, stroking her hair. "Oh, you poor thing." She sighed, her voice shaking.

Pond still stood in silence, looking at her, covered in tubes and wires, a mask over her face to help her breathe. He felt sick. How could he have let this happen? To _her_, of all people. To his Rose.

...

The next few days were the longest and hardest of his life. He had tried going back to the flat at first, but it felt so wrong to be there without her, like he was missing something. And he hated the idea of her being on her own in that cold hospital room, locked in her own mind. So he packed an overnight bag with a few of what little belongings he had and went straight back to Torchwood. He sat by her side constantly, falling asleep on the chair in her room. The nurses had tried to move him but he refused point-blank.  
>Jackie and Pete were there a lot too, but they never brought Tony. They didn't want him to see his sister like that- they told him she was with the Doctor.<p>

They hadn't told him what had happened to the Doctor, either.

Pond didn't mind Pete and Jackie being there, but the moments he cherished were when he was alone with her. He would talk to her, make up stories, tell her rubbish jokes that he knew she would laugh at.  
>Sometimes he didn't say anything at all, just sat there, holding her hand. Waiting for her to wake up.<p>

One night, he fell asleep at the side of the bed, still holding her hand loosely. He dreamed that the two of them ran hand in hand together, all across the universe. The stuff of legends. It started off brilliantly, but ended the same way they always did, with her being ripped away from him. Into a void. Into nothingness.

...

He woke up with a start, his head resting at the side of her bed. At first he was disoriented, having grown used to waking up on the chair. Then he remembered where he was.  
>But no.. There was still something different. Something felt different.<p>

He looked down. He was still holding her hand. He had been holding it all night.

But there was more.

When he felt it, he thought he was going to faint.

She was squeezing his fingers.

_She was waking up._

"Rose!" He squeezed her hand, touching her face with his free hand. "Can you hear me?"

There was a horrible moment where her fingers loosened and he thought maybe he had been imagining it after all. But then she made a whimpering noise and slowly- so slowly- her eyes opened.

She looked at him with those beautiful eyes and he couldn't stop the grin that broke onto his face.

Her own visage was screwed up in confusion. She reached up to her mask with her free hand, gesturing at it. Pond leaned over and took it off her. Her chest was rising and falling by its own accord. He thought it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. She was here. She was back. _She was alive._

"What happened?" She whispered, her voice strained from being out of use.

The smile was wiped off his face as he remembered. He didn't think he'd ever forget that. "The Weevil." He said, not trusting his voice."There was one left. I didn't see it until it was too late. I'm so sorry, Rose."

She studied his face for a moment, thinking. Then she smiled faintly, her eyes locking onto his. "Just a few Weevils. Nothing serious."

He let out a shaky laugh. "Nothing you can't handle."

Her eyes travelled around the room before landing on a vase full of flowers Jackie had brought over a few days previously. Her eyes narrowed as she noticed how they had started to wilt.

"How long was I out?" She whispered, her voice still sounding strained. Pond was surprised she could still talk at all- he thought for sure the Weevil's claw would have taken a toll on her vocal chords.

"Six days." He said, fighting the urge to shiver.

_I thought I lost you_, he thought, but he didn't say it. He was sure his face said it all.

Apparently it did. She studied his face again, frowning.  
>"Have you been here the whole time?"<p>

"I didn't want to leave you." He admitted.

The smile returned to her face as she squeezed his fingers softly. "Thank you."


	16. Chapter 15

******A/N: Sorry about the delay in this chapter, this week has been crazy for me. I made this extra long to make up for it.! I really hope you guys are enjoying this so far. Please let me know what you think of this one. You are all brilliant.**

**Disclaimer; I definitely, definitely own Doctor Who. Yup, definitely. *sarcasm***

...

"You're recovering impossibly quick. It's not natural at all."  
>Pond was sitting on the chair that he had called home for the past week, watching Rose getting checked over by one of Torchwood's Doctors. It had only been two days since she had come out of her coma, and already she was sitting up asking if she could leave.<p>

"Your vocal chords were slashed- you shouldn't even be able to talk. It's like your body is healing itself. It's incredible."

Rose sat listening to the medic, a small smile on her face. Even the deep gash on her throat had already been reduced to shiny pink skin- something that should have taken months, even years.

The medic shook his head, scribbling something in the notebook he had with him.

"I don't understand it at all."

Rose shrugged, looking longingly at the door. "It's not the first time it's happened. The Doctor said it's probably residual energy from the Time Vortex at the Game Station."

Pond didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but he didn't care. It sounded like whatever energy she was talking about had saved her life, and for that he was grateful, even if he didn't understand it.

"Er.. right." The medic said, raising his eyebrows before shaking his head. "Well, Miss Tyler, we have no reason to keep you in here. You're going to be fine." He smiled.  
>"You're free to go."<p>

...

For the first two days back home, the flat was almost constantly full. Friends, family and co-workers were always arriving to see how Rose was feeling, keeping her up to date with things happening at work. Jackie was always there, insisting on cooking for her. While Rose was grateful for the support, she didn't like being fussed over, and she longed for everything to return to normal.  
>On the third day, things began to quieten down a bit. Jackie went back to the mansion as she had some things to do around her own house, Pete went back to Torchwood,and Pond offered to take Tony out for a few hours. Tony hadn't wanted to go back to mansion, saying that it was boring and there was no one to play with.<br>Pond could see that Rose wasn't really in the mood for entertaining her hyperactive little brother, and when he offered, Rose gave him a grateful smile and a small hug.

...

As soon as Pond and Tony walked out the door, Tony shouting something about ice cream, Rose collapsed into her bed, happy to get a few hours rest.  
>But she couldn't sleep.<br>It was her first time being on her own for a long time, and she could finally hear herself think. Her thoughts spun around her head, making her dizzy. She didn't know what to do. They had had no luck in finding any of Pond's family, and he hadn't remembered anything at all since his first day. Rose realized with a jolt that she didn't want him to. Her heart sank. She knew how selfish that was, but if wasn't for him she didn't know where she would be.  
>She would probably be dead- if he hadn't been there when the Weevil attacked, she would have been on her own. She shuddered at the thought. No one would have been there to stop it.<br>But it was more than that. He was there for her all the time. Whenever she needed to talk, or even if she needed to be on her own. He always knew what to do. She swallowed, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. If it weren't for him, she probably would have lost it completely when the Doctor went missing. At least she was able to retain some sort of sanity.  
>Because of him.<br>She squeezed her eyes shut, thinking about the Doctor. There was still no sign of him, no word, no hint that he was alright. Maybe he really was..  
>No. She stopped herself before she could finish that though. He couldn't be.<br>But she had lost almost two weeks because of the accident at Torchwood. Two weeks that could have been spent looking for him, even if it was fruitless, she could at least say that she tried. That she tried to find him.  
>She hoped he wasn't on his own.<p>

...

Rose must have fallen asleep, because it only seemed like seconds later she heard Tony and Pond coming in the door again. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, frowning as she realized her face was damp. Had she been crying in her sleep?  
>She wiped her face furiously, regaining her composure just as her bedroom door swung open and her little brother flew into her room, his chestnut hair bouncing up and down as he jumped onto her bed.<p>

"Hi! We're back!" He said excitedly.

"I can see that." Rose replied, laughing.

"Pond and me went to the cinema! It was really good! I was drinking juice and then I laughed and the juice came out my nose!"

Rose snorted with laughter, easily picturing the scene. "I hope you were good for Pond, yeah?" She said, a smile still tugging at her face.

"I was great, you can even ask him." Tony said indignantly, looking offended. Then his face split into a smile again. "And guess what else happened?"

Rose shook her head, playing along. "I can't begin to imagine. Tell me?"

"After the movie, Pond bought me sweets, and I ate them all at once and then I threw up!" He said proudly.

Rose couldn't help but laugh at how happy Tony seemed about this fact. Jackie didn't even allow Tony to have sweets, it hyped him up too much. "Poor Pond." She giggled.

"Yeah, poor Pond." A tired sounding voice came from the doorway.

Rose looked up to see Pond leaning against the door in a t shirt, holding his jacket away from him, looking slightly ill. Rose's eyes widened as she looked from Pond to Tony, realizing what happened. She looked her little brother in the eyes, a shocked look on her face. "Did you throw up _on _Pond?" She asked.

Tony nodded his head, trying to look guilty although she could see the beginnings of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

"Say sorry!" Rose said. She tried to sound stern but her brother's giddiness was contagious, and she found herself smiling with him.

"S-sorry Pond." Tony said, suppressed laughter apparent in his voice.

Pond looked at him, his eyebrow raised. "I forgive you Tony. You sound so sincere."

He turned to look at Rose, but she avoided his gaze, knowing that if she looked him in the eye she wouldn't be able to hold in her laughter. Instead, she stared at his feet trying to suppress a smile.

Pond shook his head. "You Tylers. You're all bonkers." He said, but he couldn't help smiling himself. It was great to see Rose laughing, even if it was at his own expense.  
>"I'm going to take a shower. Tony, if you feel ill again all my clean clothes are in my dresser. Just so you know where to go."<p>

Tony let out a giggle, his blue eyes lighting up in delight. Rose poked his side. "He was joking, Tony."

It was Pond's turn to laugh at the disappointment on Tony's face. He looked at Rose, who was looking back at him this time, her tongue poking between her teeth in the smile he loved so much. He couldn't help but return it, his heart skipping a beat just by looking at her. "See you in a bit."

"See you." She replied.

Tony watched Pond leave the room, an unreadable expression on his face. Rose raised her eyebrow. "What's that look for?" She said. "Didn't you have a good time?"

Tony nodded slowly, still looking out the door. "Yeah. But.."

Rose frowned, sitting up properly. "But what?"

Tony turned to look at her at last, looking confused. "Is Pond the Doctor?"

Rose gasped involuntarily, looking at the young boy in shock. "Wh-what? No! No, course he isn't. You know the Doctor."

"Yeah, but.." Tony's face was screwed up as he thought about his next words. "But you said the Doctor could change his face."

Through her shock and distress, Rose felt proud of Tony for remembering something she had said in passing over a year ago. It wasn't all that surprising, though. Tony adored the Doctor, and the Doctor was great with him. Rose shook her had sadly, remembering.

"No, Tony. He's not the Doctor."

Tony nodded, falling quiet again, but not for long. "So then is Pond your new boyfriend?"

This question shocked Rose even more than the first. She blinked a few times, not quite believing he had said that. "Why do you ask that?" She said incredulously.

"Well, 'coz Pond lives here now and the Doctor doesn't. And the Doctor used to take me to the cinema and buy me sweets even though Mum said he shouldn't. And Pond's here all the time."

"Don't you like Pond?" Rose said carefully.

Tony nodded quickly, eagerly. "I do! I like Pond!"

Then his small face crumpled, and the first sign of tears showed in his eyes. "But I miss the Doctor."

Rose reached out her arms and Tony clung on to her, burying his head in her shoulder. She kept her voice low to keep it from shaking. "I know. I miss him too." She whispered.

...

Rose was sitting at the kitchen table, lost in thought, when Pond reappeared. His hair was still damp from the shower, and he was wearing a new football shirt that he had bought the other day with some of the money Torchwood had given him to help start his new life. She smiled slightly at him, and he returned it.  
>"Sorry about Tony." She said.<p>

Pond waved his hand dismissively. "It's alright." He said, grinning. "It was pretty funny."

He looked around the kitchen questioningly. "Where is the little terror?"

"Mum picked him up a few minutes ago."

Pond nodded, walking over to sit next to her. He rested his chin on his hands, looking at her. "So, what did you do while we were gone?"

Rose shrugged. "Slept, really. Think I needed it."

Pond opened his mouth, about to say something else, but then he noticed what Rose had on the table beside her. The Atlas. That bloody Atlas. His heart sank in his chest.

"Rose.." He started, but Rose cut him off, knowing what he was about to say.

"I can't forget about him." She said, avoiding his gaze.

"I know." He whispered.

His response made her look up at him questioningly. He cleared his throat, feeling apprehensive.

"Rose, you know the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you." He paused, before looking at her pleadingly. "You do know that?"

She nodded, her eyes still on him.

"Then I'm sorry. But.. you have to stop this. He's.. He's gone, Rose."

He put a hand up in the air as Rose opened her mouth to argue. "Please, just let me finish."

She closed her mouth again, looking at him imploringly.

"I'm not asking you to forget about him. Really, I'm not. But what are you going to accomplish, sitting here, trying to figure out where he is? You won't find anything." He felt horrible, watching Rose's face grow saddened. "He saved all those people. He died for them. He's a hero." He paused, not sure if he should say what he was thinking.  
>"But he did die."<p>

Rose swallowed audibly, tears shining in her eyes. He hated that he was the one that caused this, but he knew she needed to hear it. She couldn't keep living on false hope, because that's what is was- false hope. Pond had heard from Pete exactly what had happened, and it sounded like there was no way the Doctor could have survived.

"But what do I do?" Rose whispered, a tear spilling down her cheek. "What's next?"

Pond moved from his seat, kneeling down next to her. He put his arm around her, pulling her into him. She snaked his arms around him, leaning into him shakily.

"You remember him." He said softly. "But you live on. You have to."

She let out a small, muffled sob into his shirt, and he felt his heart break. Once again, he felt an odd surge of anger towards the Doctor for doing this to her.

"I know." She whispered.

_I love you_, he thought. But he didn't say it. He probably would never say it. Rose needed a friend, someone to be there for her, and he was going to be that someone.

But it was so hard, sometimes. There were moments where he had to physically stop himself from leaning down to kiss her, or hold her hand, or just pull her into him and hold her. He cherished little moments like this, even if the circumstances were horrible. Really, he felt horrible, thinking about this while she was crying into his shoulder over another man. _I love you, Rose Tyler. I love you, I love you, I love you._ He suddenly felt like screaming it out, telling the world exactly how he felt about this pink and yellow girl.  
>He wanted her to know. He wanted to tell her.<p>

And perhaps he would have, if not at that exact moment there was a knock on the door and the spell was broken. Rose sprung back from him, wiping her face with her hands.

"Oh, God. That's Mum again. Probably left the bloody keys to the house here again." She stood up, taking a deep breath, before looking at Pond again and giving him a watery smile. "Thanks. I needed that." _More than you know_, she finished silently.

Pond returned her smile before getting up shakily, running a hand through his hair. "It's no problem. I'm always here if you need to talk."

Rose nodded, her smile looking more genuine. "I know."

There was another knock on the door, and Pond frowned. "Or maybe it's Tony wanting to throw up on me again."

Rose laughed, and it was like the entire conversation never happened. Pond shook his head. "I'll get it. Easy target."

"Okay. She'll probably want tea while she's here anyway. I'll put the kettle on."

Pond walked out of the kitchen and into the corridor, his heart pounding in his chest. He loved her. He really did. And despite the situation, the hopelessness of it all- he felt brilliant. She made him feel brilliant. He had an enormous smile on his face as he opened the door, expecting to see Jackie.

It wasn't Jackie.

He frowned at the sight that welcomed him as he opened the door. It was a man- a tall, thin man with messy brown hair who looked like he had just been dragged backwards through a pile of thornbushes. He had scratches on his face and the blue suit he wore was singed and torn. He looked oddly familiar, but Pond didn't know where from.

The strange man had initially been wearing a smile when Pond opened the door, but now it became an expression of confusion.

"Who are you?" Pond questioned, looking at the ragged looking man before him.

"Who are _you?_" The man replied with the same shocked expression, his dark eyes raking over Pond like it was impossible that he was standing there.

Then he looked over Pond's shoulder, into the flat, and his eyes lit up, the corner of his mouth beginning to twist into a smile. "Rose?"

There was a split second of silence before the sound of a glass being dropped crashed all around the flat.

"_Doctor?"_


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: I upload quick because I have no friends. Just kidding. Kind of. Anyway, here we are! There aren't many chapters left in this story. From the beginning I was having trouble choosing between two different endings I had planned out, but I've decided on one. You'll have to wait and see~! Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter, your comments make me want to keep writing ^^ And I'm sorry to the people that "choked on their feelings" on the last chapter. I'm a monster. :)  
>Enjoy.<strong>

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, I would never ever have let Billie leave, even if I had to chain her to the set.**

****"_Doctor?_"

He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. Time seemed to have stopped. He stared at the man in front of him, whose face was alive with hope. He turned slowly, seeing Rose standing in the corridor. She had gone pale, her mouth agape, as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. The glass she had been holding lay smashed by her feet. Pond turned back to face the tall man who had knocked on the door and changed everything.

The Doctor.

It was the longest second of Pond's life, standing there by the open door, feeling everything crashing down around him as he realized that that was it. He was back.  
>Time returned to normal as the Doctor pushed past Pond, into the flat, running towards Rose. Pond could do nothing but stare as Rose gave a strangled sob and ran towards the other man down the narrow corridor. Just before they reached eachother, Pond squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to see this.<br>It would kill him.  
>He leaned back against the wall, covering his face with his hands, breathing deeply.<br>Then he grabbed a hoodie from the coat hanger and walked out of the flat, slamming the door. He didn't look back.

...

"It's you. It's really you." Rose said breathlessly, cupping his face with her hands.  
>The Doctor grinned, his hands on her waist, looking deep into her eyes. "It's really me." He replied.<p>

Rose shook her head, hardly daring to believe it. This couldn't be real. "It can't be."

He pulled her closer to him, his moving his hand to place it gently on her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Rose, it's me. I came back."

"Doctor." She whispered his name, tears shining in her honey brown eyes.

His smile grew wider. "Hello."

She grabbed the lapels of his suit and pulled him down to her, her hot tears mixing in with the kiss.

_He was home_.

...

He walked through the city by the river, cold wind biting at his face. The first spatters of rain were beginning to fall from the sky. He had a hood, but he didn't bother putting it up. There was no point, the rain would just soak through. He felt like he had been walking for hours, and yet the scenery had not changed. If he looked behind him he could still probably see the flat he shared with Rose- _no, Rose shares the flat with the Doctor. You're nothing._

__He let out a noise that could only be described as a whimper as the nasty thought sneaked into his mind. He stopped in his tracks, leaning against the railing of the bridge, his head in his hands. He felt so selfish. He was horrified at himself.  
>The Doctor was back. Rose would be happy. <em>He<em> should be happy.  
>But he couldn't be. Because what was he going to do every day, having to see her be with him, when all he wanted to do was tell her how much he loved her?<br>He wouldn't be able to do it.  
>He shook his head, looking out onto the river as the enormity of the situation came crashing down on him. He would have to move out. He'd have to find somewhere else to live. He would have to live on without her- alone.<br>The harsh wind whipped his hair around his face, stinging his cheeks. He watched as the water of the Thames grew choppier. He heard thunder rolling overhead as the rain grew heavier. He scowled up at the sky, wanting to scream out loud, much like he had wanted to do earlier.  
>Except earlier he had wanted to scream out of sheer, blissful love. Now he wanted to scream at anyone who would listen about the unfairness of it all.<br>The sky had darkened, and the rain showed no signs of stopping. He noticed that the street had become empty, pedestrians running back home to escape the weather. But he had no home to go to.  
>It was funny, the feeling of having nowhere to call home felt familiar to him.<p>

He turned and saw a small, enclosed alleyway. He decided to go there to wait out the rain.  
>He didn't know where he would go after that.<p>

...

They sat on the couch together in the flat, curled up so tightly you could mistake them for one person. They were quiet, just looking at eachother, their fingers entwined. It was a comfortable and yet deafening silence, as the two drank eachother in, memorizing each little detail of eachother's faces. Rose felt like she would never feel normal again. All these months she thought he was gone, that she had lost him forever, and he had come back to her. Just as he always had, just as he always would. She felt dizzy at the impossibility of it all. His free hand was resting on her head, softly stroking her blonde hair. He wasn't smiling, but it was easy to tell by his face that he was content.  
>She still thought that it wasn't real, that it was just another dream, an illusion. That at any minute she would blink and she would wake up in her own bed, alone, her face damp from tears she had shed in her sleep. The thought made her squeeze his hand tighter, letting out a long breath.<br>"Where were you?" She whispered, breaking the silence. "What happened to you?"  
>To her surprise, he smiled. "Classified Torchwood business." He said in a light tone.<br>She stared at him in disbelief. Had he really just said that? After all those months of thinking he was dead, he had just joked about it?  
>She opened her mouth to ask him what the hell he was thinking, but he suddenly frowned, his dark eyes losing the hint of laughter and growing cold.<br>"What's that?" He muttered.  
>He tilted her face up gently, his eyebrows knitted together. Rose suddenly realized what he was looking at. Her heart sank in her chest as he softly traced the fading pink scar on her throat. He met her eyes again, looking distraught. "What happened?" He choked out.<p>

"It's nothing, I'm fine, see?" Rose replied, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to calm him. "I'm fine."

"But.. that's.." His eyes trailed down to the scar again before looking at her. "Tell me."

Rose avoided his gaze, looking down at her hands instead. She didn't exactly want to relive that horrible memory.

"A bunch of Weevils got into Torchwood. When we thought we had gotten them all I let my guard down but, er, there was one left." She finished softly, subconsciously touching her throat.  
>She tried hard not to flinch at the memory.<br>The Doctor's eyes were filled with horror as he listened to her. His mouth opened and closed a few times as though he had several things to say at once and didn't know how to start.  
>"But- it's- it's old! That's an old wound!" He said, his voice shaking.<p>

Rose smiled softly. "Well it's like you said, right? Residual energy from the time vortex all that time ago. I heal fast."

"No." The Doctor said. "Not that fast. That's impossible. When did that happen?"

Rose frowned slightly. "About two weeks ago? I've healed faster than that before it's not a big-"

She stopped talking as she noticed a change in the Doctor's expression once again. His whole body froze before his face twisted into an expression of utter shock and disbelief. "What?"

"Doctor, you're scarin' me! What's wrong?" Rose said, leaning back to take a better look at him.

"Two weeks? This happened two weeks ago?"

She nodded silently, not sure why this seemed so unbelievable to him.

"No." He stood up from the couch, shaking his head. "No way."

"Doctor! What is it?" Rose demanded, standing up beside him.

He turned to her, his face pale. "I've only been gone for two days."

There was a moments silence, broken by Rose as she gave out a shaky laugh. "Doctor, you've been gone for months. _Months_. The rest of the team came home a few weeks ago, but you didn't. And they told me you were dead, I thought you were dead!" Throughout her sentence her voice had grown more frantic, and by the last syllable hot tears were sliding down her face.

The Doctor stepped closer to her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"What happened to you?" She asked, her voice muffled. Her face was still pressed against his shirt. Even though it smelled sort of singed, his own scent was there too, and it calmed her slightly.

The Doctor swallowed. Had he really been gone for so long? He felt a sudden jolt of regret as he realized how horrible he must have sounded when he had joked about it being Classified when she had asked him before. She must have been so worried about him. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she had been through. He wrapped his arms protectively around her waist, trying to keep his vocie steady as he remembered.

"We got to the site where someone had reported possible alien life. But I knew straight from the beginning that there was something wrong. It just felt wrong. Smelled wrong. At first I thought I was imagining it, but the sense of foreboding only got worse. I sent everyone away. There was a.."  
>His voice trailed off thoughtfully before he continued.<br>"Well, it was a small metal box. On the ground, hidden under some grass. I'm not sure what it was though, maybe a teleporter, or a spaceship. Well anyway, I was interested.."

"You just had to pick it up, didn't you." Rose muttered into his shirt.

"You know me." He replied, and she felt him shake with laughter. "I probably shouldn't have done that though."

"Because then it exploded?" Rose finished for him, cold fear gripping her heart as she relived the words her father had said to her all those weeks ago.

"Actually, no." The Doctor said, surprising her. She looked up at him imploringly.

"Everything else exploded." He finished huskily. "It's like there was some sort of barrier around me. I saw the flames. I saw the entire area get ripped apart." His voice was getting colder as he went on, and his face took on the same expression as it did when he talked about the Time War. Then his expression cleared again and he looked down at her, his expression confused. "And then I was here."

"But you were gone months." Rose whispered. "How?"

The Doctor released one of his hands from her waist to run a hand through his hair, something that was customary for him to do while he was thinking. "I'm not sure. Maybe that barrier was sort of like the sphere the Daleks used to come through from the paralell world at Canary Wharf."

"Time passes right by without you noticing." Rose said, remembering. "Is that what you think it was?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Could be. Or maybe the aliens who designed the technology were just rubbish at teleportation."

He smiled down at her and Rose returned it. "I missed you." She said honestly.

He leaned down and kissed her softly, feeling her smile. "I missed you too." He said.

They stayed in comfortable silence for a few more moments, but there were more questions in the back of Rose's mind that she felt needed to be asked.

"What do you think happened to the aliens who planted the box?" She said.

She was surprised when she saw his face darken considerably.

"I have a theory." He admitted.

"Go on?" She encouraged him.

Suddenly, the dark look vanished, and he was smiling again. "Nah! Not important. It's probably nothing."

She rolled her eyes, poking him in the side playfully. "You're always doing that."

He grinned. "I know."

He hugged her tightly again, trying to pretend that everything was fine- but it wasn't. It really wasn't. Because if his theory was correct, then they were all in horrible danger.

...

Pond leaned against the wall in the alleyway with his arms crossed, staring out at the rain. It was showing no sign of stopping anytime soon, but he didn't really mind. Where would he go when it stopped anyway? He was as happy in the dingy, dark alleyway as he would be anywhere else. He let out a sigh, looking up at the sky. Through breaks in the thick stormclouds he could see that the stars were out. It was dark. He had been standing there for at least two hours, lost in his own depressing thoughts. And then, suddenly, he felt cold. Like the harsh wind had passed through his skin and was inside him. He shivered involuntarily, wrapping his arms tighter around himself. He looked around curiously. He was sure there was no one around the streets but him. And yet he had the awful feeling that he was being watched.

...

"Rose? Whose bedroom is this?"

The sound of the Doctor's voice came from the corridor. Rose pulled herself off the couch to see him standing outside Pond's room, looking confused.

"That's Pond's." She said simply.

"That the guy who opened the door for me?" He replied, his eyebrow raised. "Should I be worried?"

Rose smiled at him, knowing he wasn't being serious. "He's been staying here the past few weeks. We found him passed out on the streets in Cardiff. Lost his memory. Been trying to help him find his family but no such luck so far."

"Lost all his memories?" The Doctor frowned, looking into the room. Something didn't seem right. "Mind if I take a look?" He said, without waiting for an answer.

"Oi, don't be nosey!" Rose called out to him, following him into the room.

He looked around the room. It seemed ordinary enough. "Where did he go?" He asked. "He disappeared quick when I arrived."

Rose shrugged, standing at the doorway with her hands in her pockets. "Out for a walk? I don't know."

She felt a little guilty that she had let Pond run off like that, even though she wasn't sure why he had done it. She watched the Doctor being his usual nosey self, poking around the room. She wore a small smile on her face, so happy to have him back, even if she didn't really understand how he had managed it. She wasn't sure he even knew himself.

There was a sudden change in the Doctor's stance, and Rose didn't miss it. He froze in his place for a split second, giving out an audible gasp as he saw something on the dressing table.

"What is it?" She said, frowning. She began to walk over to him, but the Doctor grabbed something off the dressing table and turned to her with such fear in his eyes it made her feel scared just to look at him.

"Rose, where did he get this?" He hissed urgently at her, showing her the item he had picked up.  
>"Where the hell did he get this watch?"<p>

Rose blinked in surprise. "It.. we found him with it, when he was brought into Torchwood, it was one of the only belongings he had with him."

"No, he can't have this." The Doctor said in the same urgent tone. He took a few quick steps forward until he was face to face with her again. "He _can't have this_."

"Wh-why not?" Rose asked in surprise.

"Rose, this is mine. This is my watch." He said, his eyes frantic, staring at her.

She shook her head, completely confused now. "No, it's his, he was brought in with it. It belongs to Pond."

"No! You don't understand!" He sounded irritated, terrified and awed all at the same time. "It's my watch- and if he was found with it.."

His voiced trailed off again, as though he were afraid to speak his next words.

"What?" Rose said, afraid of the answer.

"Oh of course! Oh I'm so thick! I'm THICK!"

He was pacing again, rubbing his hands through his hair, his eyes so wide they were almost popping out of his head. "Oh, this can't be happening."

He stopped, taking a few deep breaths. "Alright. I know exactly what happened on that stupid mission now. I know what the alien life form was, I know what they want."

Rose wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He wasn't making any sense at all.

"Well, that's great." She said cautiously. "But I don't see what that has to do with Pond.."

The Doctor marched over to her, putting his hands firmly on her shoulders.

"Rose, there is no Pond. Never has been. That man is the Doctor."

...

"Oi! Is someone there?" Pond cried out to the seemingly empty alleyway, feeling foolish.

There was nothing that he could see, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, and it unnerved him. "Hello?"

There was a few seconds silence, before he heard a voice.

"You are the Doctor."

He still couldn't see who had spoken, but at least he knew there was someone there. He wasn't going crazy. He snorted with bitter laughter, turning to look out on to the street again.

"Yeah. I wish." He said bitterly. "You've got the wrong guy."

"No." The voice came again, sounding almost victorious.

"_YOU ARE THE DOCTOR!"_

__It was the last thing Pond heard before he felt a weight like a ton of bricks being dropped onto him, and he dropped to the ground unconscious.


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N This chapter came out a lot darker than I had originally intended, but I quite like it. Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this. I love you people. The metal box is going to be explained in the next chapter, so don't worry about that.  
>Someone reviewed last time asking how the Doctor has the same watch, since he gave it to Timothy at the end of The Family Of Blood. I like to think that since the TARDIS is essentially a living thing, she could grow another Fob Watch for the Chameleon Arch that would look the same. That's just my headcanon though!<br>Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

****It was dark, he was cold, and he was alone. He felt disoriented, like he had been asleep for days. His head was pounding and his eyesight was blurry. All he could see was darkness, all around him. He put his arms out to see if he could feel his way around, but there were no walls, no solid surface, nothing. Everything was black, empty.

"What's going on?" He wondered aloud.  
>He couldn't remember how he had ended up here, or if this was even real. Maybe it was a dream, although it didn't feel like that. He tried to figure out what was happening, but it felt like his mind was stuck. If he tried to remember what he had been doing before he found himself in the dark, he got a searing pain in his head. But there was one thing he remembered.<p>

"Rose?"

"I'm here."

Her voice came from behind him. He spun around to see her standing with her arms folded, smiling at him. Despite everything being pitch black, he could see her clearly. He stood for a moment, staring at her, drinking her in. She seemed the same, every little detail present, right down to the battered purple leather jacket she wore so often. But something wasn't right. Something about her seemed.. wrong. Her eyes were too dark, devoid of the spark, the lilt of life that made her who she was. He frowned, trying to shake off the feeling.

"What's happening?" He questioned her, resisting the strange urge to take a step back from her.  
>All this time he'd known her, all he had wanted was to be closer to her. Now she made him want to turn and run faster than he ever had before.<p>

Rose raised her eyebrow, her arms folded tightly across her chest. "I was hoping you could answer that, Doctor."

He blinked in confusion. "Rose, it's me. It's Pond. I'm not the Doctor."

She smirked at him, taking a step closer so that their faces were mere centimeters apart. He stood his ground, maintaining eye contact, although he was sure his confusion was showing on his face. She was so close to him, but he couldn't feel her. It was like she wasn't really there. He couldn't smell the perfume she always had on, couldn't feel her breath on his skin. "Come on." She said softly. "You can tell me. You trust me, don't you?"

"Well.." He started, but then he stopped himself. What was he talking about, this was _Rose_ for God's sake. He trusted her with his life.  
>He nodded. "Of course I trust you."<p>

"Then why don't you tell me?" Rose said in a sultry tone. "What are you doing here? Why are you so.." She moved her hand so that it was touching his face. Despite the immensely confusing circumstances, he felt his breath hitch. "..human?" She finished, never once looking away from his eyes.

He shook his head, trying to keep his voice level. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said meekly.

Her eyes flashed. She stood back from him, all signs of affection gone. Instead, she emanated a horrible, burning hatred, all directed at him. "Liar." She hissed.  
>"You will tell me the <em>truth!"<em>

She raised her hand, and suddenly he felt a horrible stinging pain like thousands of white hot needles puncturing his skin. He let out a yell and fell to his knees, temporarily blinded by the pain. _What was she doing?_

"Rose, stop! Stop!" He begged.

"I'm not playing games, Doctor." She said. Her honey coloured eyes were gone, instead her irises were as white and empty as a blank sheet of paper. "You'll tell us what we need to know or .."  
>The pain increased, even though she wasn't touching him. He let out another pain filled cry, seeing stars.<p>

"Or we will take the knowledge by force."

...

They ran through the rain, gripping eachothers hands tightly. The streets were deserted, the people safe and warm inside their homes. Rose and the Doctor sprinted through the empty streets. The only sounds were their panicked, quick breaths and the splashes as their shoes connected with the flooded concrete.

_"We have to find him. If we get to him before They do, then we have a chance."_

_"But what is it? Who are they? What do they want with Pond?"_

__Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, and she was finding it so hard to breathe she thought she might pass out. But she forced herself to keep running. If what they were dealing with was as bad as the Doctor had made it out to be, they couldn't waste any time in finding Pond. Her stomach clenched as she thought of him.

_"They're.. I thought they were just a myth, that's why I didn't recognize their technology right away. But they're called Leanaí. They don't have a physical form, but they can manipulate matter.. make things float, smash things up, even make you feel physical pain, but they're not really there."_

_"So they're like ghosts?"_

_"Yes. No. Sort of. But that's not it, they can make you see things, they can go into your mind, make things seem so real. They've destroyed so many brilliant minds."_

Remembering the conversation made Rose quicken her already painfully fast stride. If he was right, if Pond was the Doctor.. What if they broke his mind? Who would he become?

_"But what do they want with Pond?"_

_"When they destroy a mind they gain everything from it. All the information, memories, secrets locked away. And if they get the Doctor's mind..Rose, can you imagine what they could do with that? All the secrets of Time and Space in the hands of creatures not bound by physical bodies. They could destroy the world. And not just this world, Rose. Every world. Every parallel to every world that has ever existed or ever will."_

_"Do you think they're who he was hiding from?"_

_"Yes. Because you can't fight them- there's nothing to fight. You can only run."_

The Doctor stopped, so suddenly that Rose almost bumped into him.

"What is it?" She asked shakily.

"They're close." He said solemly, looking around in concern.

"How can you tell?"

He took the watch from his pocket. "I can hear it." He answered it. "He's near here somewhere."

"But-"

He cut her off, putting his finger to his lips, his chocolate eyes scanning the area. Out of habit, Rose raised a finger to her lips, copying him. She couldn't believe what was happening. The Doctor had briefly, hurriedly explained to her what the watch did as they ran out of the flat and on to the streets, but apparently it had gone wrong. He had said the watch was supposed to give a Time Lord in hiding _new_ memories, not leave the mind as a blank slate. She tried to get her breath back, trying not to think about what might be happening to Pond right now. She refused to think of him as the Doctor- he couldn't be.

A loud, painful sounding scream broke her thoughts. She caught the Doctor's eye in fear for a second before he grabbed her hand and they took off running again, towards where they had heard the sound. They ran swiftly forward, quickly arriving at the entrance to a narrow alleyway.

They found him, lying on his side, his face and clothes covered in mud from lying on the ground. His eyes were open but he was staring into space. They only sign that he was even awake, apart from his open eyes, were the soft whimpering sounds coming from him.  
>Rose felt her heart split in two. She let out a strangled sob and ran forward to pick him up, but the Doctor stopped her, putting his arm forward and blocking her.<p>

"Don't." He warned. "They're in there. The shock would kill him."

She felt her eyes fill with tears as she looked from the Doctor to her friend lying on the ground. She felt so helpless she could scream.

"Listen to me!" The Doctor called out in a clear, stern voice. "Leave this man alone. He's not who you think he is. I'm the Doctor, let me help you!"

There was a moment of terrible silence broken only by Pond's painful gasps for breath. And then-

"You are not the Doctor." The voice was high pitched, the tone playful. It almost sounded like a child. "You are human."

"So is he!" The Doctor argued, pointing to the broken man on the ground.

Rose thought she would never be able to forget the horrible sight of Pond's dead eyes staring into nothingness. She had to squeeze her eyes shut to keep herself from looking.

"He is hiding from us somehow." The child's voice responded. It sounded like it was coming from inside Rose's own mind. She shivered involuntarily and felt the Doctor place a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"You won't find anything from searching through that man's mind, I can assure you." The Doctor continued.  
>She could hear the suppressed fury in his voice .<p>

"Stop.."

Rose's eyes flew open again, because it wasn't the Leanaí who had spoken this time. It was Pond.

"Rose, stop." His face was still blank. She wouldn't have believed he was speaking if it wasn't for his mouth moving. His voice was so full of pain and emotion that it seemed impossible to be coming out of that expressionless face.

"Pond.." She whispered his name, tears clouding her vision.

"I love you." He said, and she felt all the blood drain from her face. "I love you so much. From the moment I saw you, even before that, I loved you. I don't know why you're doing this, just _stop!"_

__"Oh, that's awkward." The child's voice rang out again, followed by a giggle.

"Stop it! Let him go!" Rose hadn't meant to shout, but it happened anyway, her voice cracking, hot tears sliding down her cheeks.

She could feel the Doctor's gaze on her but she didn't look at him, shouting instead into the shadows.

"We are the Leanaí!" The child's voice rang out again, all hints of playfulness gone, replaced instead by a cold manipulative tone. "We don't take orders from human children!"

"I don't give a damn who you are!" Rose yelled back, anger overtaking her fear. "You let him go right now or I'll-"

"Or I'll use this."

It was the Doctor. Rose turned to him in shock, having not expected him to speak. His expression was unreadable, and he was holding a small metal box in the palm of his hand, cold fury apparent in his eyes.

There was a moment's tense silence, and then, suddenly, the air became warmer. Rose hadn't even realized how cold it had been until the temperature dropped. Pond stopped shaking and grew limp, his eyes sliding shut. Rose looked to the Doctor, mouth open in awe. His expression didn't change. She was about to ask him what he had done, but he spoke first.

"Get him, quick." He said urgently. "They'll come back when they realize I can't use this yet."

Rose didn't need telling twice. She left the Doctor's side and kneeled down beside Pond, grabbing his hand.

...

He awoke with a start, his eyes wide with fear. He was lying in the mud, his body stiff with cold and sweat. How had he gotten there? His memory was even more fuzzy than usual. A pair of honeybrown eyes hovered over him, the lashes wet with tears.

"Rose?" He said shakily.

Fear burned in the pit of his stomach at the sight of her, and he didn't know why. She pulled him upright, steadying him as he faltered slightly.

"What happened?" He moaned, feeling weak.

Rose flashed him a watery smile, squeezing his hand.

"Run." She said, pulling him forward.

**(First prize goes to the person who knows what Leanaí means)**


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N I had to write this chapter out twice, because the first time I wrote it and hit save- the whole site stopped working. Furious, frustrated tears were shed****. So here's the second attempt. Enjoy!**

** (Yep, Leanaí is Children in Irish. Everyone gets first prize! (there is no first prize, sorry) and they'll be making a reappearance in the next chapter.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

"I don't understand."

Pond was sitting on the couch, the Doctor standing over him, his hands in his pockets.  
>They had run from the alleyway straight back to the flat. The torrential rain had wiped the mud from Pond's hair and face, and now he just felt small, wet and miserable. The Doctor had explained in a rush what had happened to Pond in the alleyway, but he couldn't make heads or tails of it. Aliens? Attacking him? Because they thought <em>he<em> was an alien? It didn't make sense.

He looked over at Rose for support but she was avoiding his gaze, leaning against the wall, her eyes on the floor. She hadn't said a word to him since she had picked him up and told him to run. He ran a hand through his sopping wet hair, unable to contemplate what the Doctor was saying. He could remember little bits from what had happened in the alleyway, but nothing much seemed to add up. For one thing, he couldn't remember being in an alleyway at all. He was in the dark. He was nowhere.

But Rose was there too. Except it hadn't been Rose, the Doctor had explained to him hurriedly. It was the aliens- Leanaí, he had called them- manipulating his mind, making him see things. And now he was telling him that he wasn't Pond. He wasn't even human.

"You're wrong." Pond said quietly, almost pleadingly, looking up at the Doctor. "You've got to be wrong."

The skinny man dug a hand in his pockets and took out a watch. He put his hand out, offering it to Pond. He didn't take it.

"Just open the watch and it will all make sense." The Doctor said in a quiet tone.  
>The emotion in his eyes was unreadable.<p>

Pond looked at the shiny pocketwatch in the other man's hand, and suddenly felt like he didn't want to be anywhere near it.  
>"That stupid watch." He whispered.<p>

"What happens if I open it?" He said in an unsure voice, still making no effort to take the watch.

The Doctor frowned, urgency in his voice. "We haven't got _time_." He began, but Pond was having none of it.

"What happens?" He asked again, louder this time.  
>There was no way he was opening that watch without knowing what it would do to him.<p>

The Doctor turned to Rose in exasperation but her eyes were still on the floor, her curtain of blonde hair hiding her face. Pond wondered vaguely if something else had happened in that alleyway that he couldn't remember. Had he said something? With a sigh, the Doctor turned back to Pond.

"You'll get your old memories back." The Doctor said, rushing his words, trying to say as much as he could in the little time they had. "You'll become who you used to be. You're not a human being."

"Then what am I?" Pond said,anger beginning to creep up on him.

He knew it probably wasn't this "Doctor"'s fault, but since he had arrived, everything had gone wrong. He had been happy without his memories, been happy with Rose. And now he was ruining everything, and Rose still wasn't even _looking_ at him.

For the first time, Pond saw the hint of a smile on the Doctor's face. His eyes lit up with what could only be called pride, and he spoke in a clear voice.  
>"You're a Time Lord."<p>

"A Time Lord." Pond responded flatly.  
>The Doctor's smile faltered- obviously he had expected Pond to sound more impressed.<p>

"You are! It's great- you have a Time Machine and everything, she's called the TARDIS. You explore Time and Space, and it's brilliant, it really is."

Pond still didn't say anything, and the Doctor looked hopeless. All the grandeur faded from his face, and his voice became quiet again.

"Doctor.. _Pond_.. You're the only one who can stop them."

Pond noticed that the Doctor said this almost grudgingly, like it was difficult for him to admit that he couldn't do something himself.

"You need to open to the watch." He finished.

Pond reached out and took the watch uncertainly, rolling it over in his hands. He had never really looked at it properly before. Now he saw beautiful, intricate designs engraved into it. It almost looked like a language. He wondered if he was able to understand it, once upon a time. He was curious, of course he was. But he was also terrified. Because when he looked at the watch, he could feel something coming from it. It was so many emotions- mostly loneliness. He didn't want to feel like that. He looked back up at the Doctor, who was staring at him with pleading eyes. He shook his head.

"I don't want to." He whispered.

The Doctor hung his head, looking like he had given up. He thrust his hands back into his pockets. _We're doomed._ He though to himself in anguish.  
>Pond surprised the Doctor then by speaking again.<p>

"Rose?"

Pond looked over at the blonde girl in the corner, holding the watch so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. "Should I open it?"

She didn't answer for a minute; didn't even give off the impression that she had even heard him. But then, finally, she looked up. He was surprised to see that her eyes were shining with tears. he felt his heart sink.

"I don't want you to, either." She said in a small voice.

For a second, Pond felt ecstatic. He could stay here. With her. Forever.  
>But then she spoke again, and his hopes were shattered.<p>

"But you have to." She finished, her voice quaking.

He looked at her in disbelief. He felt betrayed. She wanted him to change. She wanted him to go back.  
>It was Pond's turn to avoid her gaze. He swallowed thickly, not trusting his voice. And then he put the watch in his pocket, got off the couch and walked into his bedroom.<p>

There was silence between the couple left in the sitting room for a little while, broken when Rose spoke.

"Do you think he's going to do it?" She whispered.

The Doctor nodded, looking at her. "He will do it. Because you told him he should. And he listens to you."

Rose shook her head, fixing her gaze on the floor again. "I wish he didn't." She muttered.

For the first time in his life, the Doctor didn't know what to say.

...

Pond paced the floor in his room, his mind racing. He couldn't keep his eyes off the small silver watch that he had placed on his dresser. It was sitting there, looking so ordinary and uninteresting. Now that he knew what it was; how it was going to change everything; it almost looked like it was gloating at him.

He breathed heavily, running a hand through his slowly drying hair. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go back. He was _happy_ here- and he had the awful feeling that true happiness was rare in his past life. There was no way he would have done this if Rose hadn't said he should.  
>He heart sped up as he thought of her. His Rose.<p>

He stood still for a moment and then walked briskly over to the dresser, picking up the watch. He squeezed his eyes shut.

And then he opened it.

...

_He was so lost so far from home so far from gallifrey gallifrey burning all his fault he ended the war he had no choice so many memories so many years so much pain and loss his bright shining companions travelling time and space forever always alone one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven that's him he was eleven he didn't want to go but look still got legs amy pond rory williams river song the tardis oh his beautiful ship she had protected him again he was running he was always running but this time he was running faster use the chameleon arch become human rose_

_Rose_

__His eyes shot open again and he was a different man.

...

The Doctor felt it. In the deep crevices of his mind, he felt the dull presence of another Time Lord. His Time Lord senses had been lessened considerably in his human body, but he could still feel him. He had done it. He had opened the watch.  
>The Doctor was torn between feeling happiness and guilt. He was happy, because now that the other Doctor had his memories and Time Lord DNA back, they stood a chance against the Leanaí.<p>

But he also felt guilt, because he had used the Fob Watch before, so long ago. And he had been happy as a human, in that school. And sometimes he had thought getting his memories back hadn't really been worth it.

He was fine now, of course. He had gotten a new life, had quite literally been born again. A life with Rose. He wouldn't change that for anything.  
>But the other Doctor had no such chance. He cleared his throat, looking at Rose.<p>

"He did it." He said simply. She would understand what he meant.

Rose nodded slowly, still looking at the floor. And then she walked over to him and took his hand. He squeezed it tightly, grateful that she was there. And then, together, they waited for the inevitable.

...

Both his hearts thumped steadily in his chest, the comforting rhythm familiar to him. He remembered, he remembered everything.

And it wasn't fair.

He stood by the door, readying himself to go out and face everything. He didn't want to. He had been happy. He had been so happy. But now he had regained all the responsibility of the last of the Time Lords, and _it just wasn't fair._

He leaned his head against the door, his hand resting on the handle lightly. He knew they would be waiting out there for him, he knew he would have to find a way to defeat the Leanaí.

He wished the metacrisis Doctor had never noticed the watch.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, seeing Rose and the Doctor holding hands tightly, looking at him anxiously. He wanted to cry.  
><em>He didn't want this.<em>

But then he put on a smile, like he always did.

"Hello! Did you miss me?"


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in this chapter, I've been fighting an inner battle with myself for the past few days about whether or not I should do what I've been thinking for this chapter. Anyway, very nearly finished this story. You people have been FANTASTIC. Please let me know what you think of this one, it was the most difficult to write out of all the chapters so far. And I've decided to keep Pond's name as Pond so things don't get too complicated.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

"Hello! Did you miss me?"

...

There was silence in the room, and he felt his smile faltering. _Say something. Anything._  
>He looked at Rose; the expression on her face was unreadable, but her eyes were studying him anxiously, as though looking for something. He wondered what she'd find.<br>The Metacrisis Doctor looked resigned and determined all at once, still holding Rose's hand tightly. He probably wasn't doing it to hurt him intentionally, but he still felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Pond the Time Lord cleared his throat, doing what he did best. He talked.

"Alright then! We're dealing with the Leanaí, and that is really, very not good. So! First things first- any idea how to stop them?"

More silence. He wanted to scream.

"No? Well, that's great. Fortunately for you, I'm still very good, and I might have a plan. So I need you to-"

"Is it really you?"

Rose had finally spoken, her large eyes focused on him.

He felt the urge to smile despite himself. No one could stop him while he was in the middle of a rant. No one. Except for her.

"It's really me." He confirmed. "I'm the Doctor." He regretted the truth in those words.

Rose looked at the man standing in front of her. Pond. She refused to think of him as anything else. But she knew he was telling the truth- simply because something in his eyes had changed. They had lost the lightness, the spark of life. His eyes were older, they had seen too much. His eyes showed his real age. She swallowed, her head reeling. She shook her head, smiling weakly. "Hello."

He smiled at her- a real smile this time. "Hello."

The Metacrisis Doctor cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. "So, the Leanaí.." He encouraged.

Pond blinked, looking momentarily surprised, before jumping back into action. "Right! So when I fell out of the Time Vortex, I ended up here again- I think I'm making a habit of this- and the Leanaí followed. Although when they were chasing me in the other universe, they made themselves sound very solid and very scary. Because they love the chase."

Rose shook her head, frowning. "Sorry, but- the Leanaí were here weeks before you got here. That's why the Doctor was gone, he was checking it out." She squeezed his hand, as though she had just remembered he was there.

"I fell here." Pond said, speaking quickly. "The Leanaí forced themselves through. Probably did awful things to the walls of the universe while they were at it. But they couldn't pinpoint an exact time to arrive- they came to the right universe alright, got the times a bit mixed up though."

"That's why they made themselves noticed." The Metacrisis Doctor took over. "They could have stayed hidden here for years, we never would've noticed them. But they made themselves visible to scanners, because they thought the Doctor would come looking for trouble."

"Which you did." Rose said, her eyebrow raised, looking at the skinny man beside her.

He grinned brilliantly for a moment, before Pond- she still couldn't get used to calling him the Doctor- spoke again.  
>"But when they saw that the person who discovered them wasn't the Doctor, or their expectation of the Doctor, they blew up the place." He said, piecing things together. Everything that had happened the past few weeks when he was human were beginning to make sense now. Everything was connected.<p>

"Why would they do that?" Rose wondered aloud. "They didn't have to."

"Out of spite." Pond answered simply, shrugging.

"See Rose, the Leanaí are brilliant." Her own Doctor cut him off, speaking just as quickly. Rose wondered vaguely how long it would take for her to get a headache from this. "They really are. But they have the personality of children. They couldn't catch the Doctor that first try so they threw a temper tantrum. Blew up a village." His face darkened.

"But you got everyone out." Rose said proudly.

"Oh, yes." He agreed. His eyes had lost the dark look and he was smiling at her again.

The Time Lord watched the two of them together and felt the same wave of sadness crashing through him. He was proud too, of course, because he saw how well they worked together. She always said the right thing. With just a few words she could have a broken man smiling again. She had done that for him countless times. She had made him better.  
>And now she had made his other self better, too.<br>But what would he, the Doctor, Pond, whatever people wanted to call him, what would he have once everything got sorted out here and he went back to the other universe? Rose was not going to come with him, he knew that. Anyone could see how happy she was here, with _him_.  
>He shook his head, fighting the thoughts away. He needed to get rid of the Leanaí before he could even think about feeling sorry for himself. This was his own fault, anyway. He had brought these monsters to this world. It was his fault that Rose had had to be without her Doctor for weeks in the first place, thinking he was dead. For a moment, the guilt almost crushed him.<p>

"Pond?"

"Huh?" He snapped out of his trance, blinking. Rose was looking at him strangely. He wondered how long she had been calling him before he had heard her. "Sorry, what?"

"Spaceman." The other Doctor muttered, shaking his head. He was holding something in his hand. A small, metal box.

"This is what I used to force the Leanaí to retreat, back in the alleyway. Found it in the- well, the bomb site." He said carefully. "I think this is what they used to travel here."

"And this is what we can use to send them back." Pond finished with a smile.  
>He turned to Rose, looking at her intensely. "Call Pete. Tell him to evacuate everyone from the building. We're going to Torchwood."<p>

...

Rose hung up the phone, letting out a sigh. The phone call to Pete had been complicated at best, and she wasn't sure he knew exactly what was going on. But he had agreed to close down Torchwood temporarily. They would have the place to themselves. She walked back out to the corridor, seeing the man in the blue suit that she loved so much leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, seemingly deep in thought. She shook her head. Everything still seemed so unreal to her. She had gotten him back, after having finally lost hope. He was _back_. And so was the other Doctor. _Pond_, she corrected herself sternly. _He's Pond. Your Doctor is standing right in front of you._

He must have sensed her standing nearby, because he opened his eyes and flashed her a small smile. "How'd it go?" He asked softly.  
>She shrugged. "Alright. He's a bit confused, though."<p>

The Doctor nodded, still looking at her carefully. "And you?"

She smiled. "Bit shocked, but I'm good." She looked up at him. "I missed you."  
>She didn't think that she had let him know enough, just how much she had missed him, how hard it had been, especially with everyone around her telling her to give up.<br>He reached out to her and she fell against him, hugging him tightly. Then she pulled back, her nose wrinkled. "You still smell like burning."

"Well, the explosion was only a couple of hours ago for me" He reminded her. "And I don't really think I have time to get changed."

Just as he spoke, Pond walked out of his room. He had changed out of the muddy tshirt and jeans he had been wearing, and into the clothes he had been found with on the first day, bowtie and all.  
>"Never mind." Her Doctor said, sounding miffed.<p>

"What?" Pond replied indignantly. "Have to look good while saving the world. Come along, then!"

They ran out of the flat and into the street, none of them knowing just how much things were about to change.

...

As Rose fumbled with her keys to Torchwood's main door, she could hear Pond and the Doctor making petty remarks about eachother behind her back. Almost like brothers, she thought with a smile.

"You stink." Pond said, waving his hand in front of his face.

"I was just in a bomb blast!" The Doctor replied, sounding annoyed.

"That was weeks ago."

"That was _hours_ ago, dumbo."

"Oh, you're so Donna."

Rose cleared her throat loudly, pointing towards the open door. "We don't have time." She said, although she couldn't hide the amusement in her voice.

...

"Can I just ask _why_ you're wearing a bowtie?"

They were in the lab downstairs in the Torchwood Institute, all three of them working frantically on the computers trying to figure out how to operate the small metal box in front of them, and the two Doctors were still having digs at eachother.

"Because it's cool." Pond muttered irritably. It sounded like he had to answer that question a lot.

"It's minging."

"Shut it! That's Donna talking. Argh, why won't this _work?__" _Pond stood up from the small desk he was working at, his hands messing up his hair frantically.

They were running out of time, Rose knew. Both Doctors were beginning to panic, and that was probably the reason they kept having a go at eachother.

Pond stood still, breathing heavily, his hands on his head, staring at the metal box. Why was it that something so simple was causing him so much trouble? He'd give anything to have his sonic with him now. It was probably on board the TARDIS. Now that he had all his Time Lord senses back, he knew he could find the TARDIS again, but that would take time, and it was time they didn't have. He knew the Leanaí would've figured out the other Doctor's little trick by now, realized that he couldn't open it. They would be looking for him again. He couldn't let them touch Rose- he would never forgive himself. He chanced a glance in her direction. She was on a computer at the far side of the room, her brow furrowed in concentration. He needed to keep her safe.

He suddenly noticed the other Doctor staring at him, and looked away again. He didn't know what else to do, so he sat down, his mind spinning. How long did they have? Twenty minutes? Ten? Five? If they didn't figure out this box soon, they were doomed.

"HA!" Rose's shout of exhilaration shocked him out of his stupor.

He looked up just in time to see her shoot out the door and hear her boots stamping down the hall. He and the other Doctor exchanged clueless looks, but didn't have time to do anything else before she came rushing back into the room holding a thin silver device, an enormous grin on her face.

The other Doctor jumped out of his chair, his facial expression identical to Rose's.

"Scanner!" They both yelled together.

Pond didn't know what was going on, and he didn't like it. He stood up slowly, looking from Rose to the other Doctor, waiting for it to dawn on him. When it didn't, he had to admit defeat.  
>"What..?" He said in a confused voice.<p>

"It's.. here, take it." Rose said, thrusting the device at him.

He caught it between his hands, inspecting it carefully. Then he looked up, surprise on his face. "This looks like a sonic!" He exclaimed.

Rose nodded, grinning. "It works pretty much the same way."

"Well.." The other Doctor butted in. "It works the same way in that it can scan things and suss out alien tech. Rubbish at opening doors, though."

"But this can work!" Pond said, his smile growing. "Oh, yes!"

He looked up at Rose again and it took all he had not to run over and kiss her.

He took the box in his hand and scanned it quickly, before plugging the small tool into the computer. His eyes ran across the screen quickly, the smile spreading ever wider on his face.

"We can use the technology to make them disappear." He said. "This box was used to protect them while they crossed the universes. Since they don't have anything really holding them together, if they had crossed universes unprotected they would have been scattered into atoms. This device" He said, holding it up. "Is a shield. If we reverse the technology, their shield will be broken. They will be gone."

"Gone where?" Rose questioned, her breathing a little erratic from the sudden adrenaline rushed.

"Nowhere." Her Doctor said from over her shoulder. He, too had been reading the screen. "They'll be atoms in the air. They'll have lost their protection."

"Not a bad way to go." Pond said quietly. "Painless. Quick."

Everyone in the room knew Pond was trying to ease the guilt he would inevitably feel by destroying the Leanaí. They all knew it needed to be done, but they also knew he tried so hard to never take lives.

Rose smiled softly, looking at him. "Still the same man." She said.

He looked at her, a strange expression on his face. "Nothing's really changed." He said.

Before Rose had time to figure out what that meant, he was speaking again. "Right, doing this- sending them back- is going to cause a bit of a disturbance. Imagine an earthquake. No, that was a rubbish comparison. Actually, no, that was pretty accurate. You might want to ring Jackie and tell her to mind her.. china, or whatever. Or Tony. Yes, tell her to mind Tony. We know what happens when he gets shaken up."

He was babbling again, which was never good news. He was probably nervous. Rose took his advice and pulled out her mobile.

"Mum? I need you to- no, Tony, get off the phone! Get Mum. ... I don't know the password, you just made it up there. Tony, this is important! Does Mum know you're using the phone?"  
>She disappeared down the hallway again, sounding irritated.<p>

Pond had to smile. It was alright. She would be fine. She would be able to go back to the same, so-very-domestic life that she had before he had come and messed it up again. He realized that he was alone in the room with the Metacrisis Doctor, and felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. They were, more or less, the same man. And he was pretty sure the Doctor knew what he was thinking.

"You said you loved her. In the alley." He heard the Doctor's voice and wanted to weep. Yes, he had thought something like that had happened. "You said you loved her."

Pond was quiet for a moment, debating whether or not to simply ignore the man. Eventually he decided to wave it off.

"Did I?" He said, trying to sound both surprised and like he didn't care at the same time. "Oh, human emotions, you know."

The other Doctor was quiet, but Pond could still feel his eyes on him. He let out a sigh, turning around. It was no use. Of course he knew, he felt it himself.

"What?" Pond said tiredly.

He was surprised to see no anger or jealousy in the partly human man's eyes. He looked only understanding, almost sympathetic. This was certainly not the same man he had left on that beach in Norway, full of blood and revenge. Rose had made him better.

"You fell in love with her again." The Doctor said in a level voice.

It was a statement more than a question, but Pond answered anyway, shaking his head. No use in lying, quite literally, to himself.

"I never stopped." He admitted shakily. "You know- you've felt it too. How could that ever end?"

It felt strange, admitting how he really felt. In this body he rarely spoke about how he was feeling, kept it bottled up. Even Amy Pond, who he trusted completely and loved like family didn't know much about him. Maybe even spending such a short time with Rose had done him some good.

The Doctor stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at him silently, his hair even messier than usual. The cuts on his face and in his suit made him remember when he had regenerated. Rose had been the person he had wanted to see before he had to go. He knew it would never truly be over with her.  
>The Doctor's stare was making even him uncomfortable. He turned back to the computer, attatching wires to the metal box that was causing all this hassle, trying to forget the conversation he had just had.<p>

"Is there anyone else?" The Doctor said behind him.

Pond froze. He hadn't been expecting that question. For a split second, he thought of River. She loved him, he knew that. But..  
>He shook his head, still not looking at the man who had asked the question.<p>

"There'll never be another Rose Tyler."

The other Doctor made a sort of noise of agreement, and Pond heard him begin to walk away. But something had snapped in him now. He felt cheated, cheated out of a life he would have loved. He tended to have a good grip of keeping his emotions at bay in this body, but this time, he just didn't want to.

"I drew the short straw, you know." He said angrily. "Yes, I get all of time and space, every star that ever was and ever will be. But you get _her_."

There was silence. Then... "I know. I'm sorry."

Pond kept quiet. As far as he was concerned, the conversation was over. There was no point in arguing about it anymore, because he had pulled the short straw, and that was what he would always have. Whereas his clone would have a life with Rose. His anger threatened to boil over him again, but just as it reached breaking point, it stopped.

_No._

He read the screen again and again, each time begging it to say something different. But every time, the readings were the same.

_Oh, no, no, no._

Instantly, he regretted everything he had said or even thought about the Metacrisis and Rose. He didn't care. He didn't care how lonely he was himself as long as she was happy.

_Please, no._

__He whipped around in his seat and grabbed the scanner, pulling it out of the computer. Then he stood up, scanning the Metacrisis Doctor, begging for a miracle. The other Doctor's expression was confused and flustered.

"What are y-"

"Shush!" Pond yelled, shoving the scanner back into the computer.

His heart sank as he re-read the readings. He felt sick.

And then everything happened at once.

The alarm went off inside the buildings, indicating something new had entered Torchwood. But the doors stayed shut and the cameras showed nothing, which only meant it was the Leanaí.  
>Rose shouted in alarm, and Pond heard her footsteps running back up the corridor.<br>The metal box began sparking from the pressure of the computer, the wires, the scanner and being in a different universe. Pond knew it would stop working soon.  
>The Doctor was looking at Pond, his eyes wide. "What? What is it, tell me!"<p>

He wished with all his heart that he had stayed human, because he would never forgive himself for the next sentence he uttered.

"That box protected you from the blast. If we reverse the technology, the shield will fall and you will die."


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N I'm a monster.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

Rose ran back into the room where she had left her two Doctors, out of breath, still clutching her mobile phone in her hand.

"We've got Leanaí on the way up." She said, though she was sure they were both aware of the fact already.  
>It was pretty hard to miss the wailing alarm blasting throughout the building.<p>

She stopped in her tracks as she noticed the expressions on the two mens faces. They weren't looking at her, but at eachother. Pond looked tired and slightly ill, his face one of pure hopelessness. Her Doctor's face was filled with shock, disbelief, and also (or was she imagining it?) fear. He was breathing heavily, his dark eyes wide, staring at Pond.

"What did I miss?" Rose said, smiling uncertainly.  
>She was suddenly aware of a cold sense of foreboding starting at the pit of her stomach, beginning to work itself up.<p>

She had spoken quietly, but it seemed that they both heard her despite the loud ringing alarm. Pond glanced in her direction but then turned away, as though he couldn't bear to face her. Instead he turned his gaze to the floor. An aura of complete and total hopelessness emitted from him.  
>The Doctor looked at her, his expression unchanged. His mouth was agape and he looked more confused than she had ever seen him before. He looked from her to Pond and back to Rose again, his mouth moving as though he was trying to say something, but no words came out.<p>

And then his expression changed. It changed into an expression that she had seen only once and wished she never had to see again. It was one of pain and resignation- as though he was resigned to accept what was to come. It was the face he had worn before he had sent her to the parallel world for the first time by placing the dimension hopper around her neck. She had jumped right back to him after that, but she had the horrible feeling that there was no going back this time.  
>He smiled, and she could see the hurt behind that smile.<br>"Oh, Rose Tyler." He breathed.

She felt her heart break.

...

He could feel them in his mind again. They were faint, but they were there, moving around roughly, gloating at him.

_The end is upon you, Doctor_, a childish voice giggled in Pond's ear, making him flinch.

They weren't close enough to completely take him over just yet, but it wouldn't be long. Torchwood were well enough prepared for alien invasions that it would be tricky for the Leanaí to reach him, but they would do it. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block them out, but if anything, the voice became louder, more persistent.

_Poor, lonely Doctor,_ the voice continued menacingly. _You would destroy yourself without hesitation to save the world, but could you sacrifice another?_

He shook his head, trying to keep his breathing level.

_So much blood on your hands. _The voice continued, sounding almost pitying in tone, although Pond knew they were still only teasing him. _Would it not be so much easier to allow us to take you? It would be painless. And you would be free. Free of all the guilt._

He would never admit it to anyone, but at that moment he almost considered it.

...

The Doctor never wanted to hurt her. Not again, not after having to say goodbye to her on Bad Wolf Bay while orbiting a Supernova. Seeing her so broken had almost destroyed him. And now he was doing it to her again. For one, brilliant, selfish moment, he considered just taking her hand and running away, leaving "Pond" to deal with his own dilemma. Running away with Rose, forever. This was supposed to have been their forever.  
>His throat constricted at the unfairness of it all.<br>She was looking at him pleadingly, her large brown eyes confused.

"We found a way to stop the Leanaí." He said, trying to keep his voice level.

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you look so...?"

She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to.

"The box is a shield." The Doctor said calmly. "If we deactivate the box, the Leanaí lose their protection. They die."

He didn't say anything else. He didn't want to say it. But he knew not to underestimate Rose Tyler, and he knew the second she figured it out. Her pupils dilated, and her breath hitched in her throat.

"But you used the box. That's how you got home, the box shielded you from the explosion."

He nodded.

"But you're.. you'll lose the protection, too?"

He didn't say anything, didn't trust his voice.

"You're going to die." Rose breathed, as if she couldn't believe what she was saying.

The Doctor nodded. "Yes."

Rose shook her head, all the colour draining from her face. "No." She said in a determined voice. "You can't. There has to be another way. Tell me there's another way!"

Pond stepped into their conversation, his voice low, resigned. "There is no other way. There's only this. I'm so sorry."

Rose spun around, looking at him with anger etched on her face.

"You did this." She hissed. "You brought them here. _You did this!_"

It was true. He knew it was true. The whole damn world knew it was true. The Leanaí were only in this Universe because they were chasing him. If he hadn't come here, Rose and her Doctor would still be safe, living a life day after day. The one adventure he could never have, and apparently, an adventure he couldn't let anyone else have either. So yes, it was true- but hearing her say it hurt him more than any torture from the Leanaí ever could.

_A mind tortured and weakened by grief. _The voice in his head was whispering again, and he didn't try to shut them out. _You are going to be marvellous._

"No."

Pond was surprised to hear the word coming from the Doctor's mouth, and so was Rose. They both turned to him, seeing him wearing an expression of pure determination.

"It isn't his fault Rose. Do you think he'd ever do anything to hurt you?" He paused, gauging Rose's reaction. She shook her head grudgingly, tears pricking her eyes. "I love you." He went on in a shaky voice. "And we're the same."

Rose didn't look at Pond. She couldn't.

The Doctor took a deep breath.

And then he slammed his hand down on a bright blue button on the console. The button that would reverse the technology of the silver box.

The button that would doom him.

Pond felt the Leanaí let out shrieks of anger in his mind, and he flinched in pain, taking a step back subconsciously.

Rose let out a similar cry of anguish as the Doctor gasped, feeling himself slip away from reality.

"Don't.." Rose sobbed, her tears flowing freely now. "Please, please don't."

The Doctor shook his head, smiling painfully. "It's done. The shield is slipping."

She shook her head, wanting to scream at the unfairness of it all. Instead she took a shaky breath, begging herself not to break down.

"How long have you got?" She whispered, her tears clouding her vision.

The Doctor paused, as if he was thinking.

"Less than a minute." He said.

He tried to keep a straight face, but cracks were beginning to show. He was scared, Rose could see. Scared of what was going to happen. And so was she. God, it was Bad Wolf Bay all over again.

Pond stood back from the two, feeling so utterly helpless. He didn't want this. He never wanted this so happen. He hung his head in shame.

"But what am I going to do when you're _gone_, Doctor?" She said, making no effort to wipe the tears from her face.

He took a step forward, wiping the tears away for her. His eyes were dark, heavy with felt his hand on her face. Solid. He was still there, he was so _real. _She didn't want him to go.

"What are you going to do?" He repeated her words. "Anything you want. Rose Tyler, you are amazing. And you can do anything."

She nodded, cherishing the feel of his hand on her face. Tendrils of gold began emitting from the air around the Doctor, floating upwards before disappearing. He looked around him in vague interest. "The shield's disintegrating." He muttered.

She grabbed the lapels of his shirt tightly, as though she could hold him together by sheer force.

"I love you." She sobbed. _It just wasn't fair._

__This time, he didn't waste any time in answering. "I love you too." He said, leaning down and kissing her lips lightly.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to quell her sobbing. It seemed like an impossible task. She was losing everything.

He pulled away, and his breathing became more rapid. He could feel himself beginning to fade away, the gold aura around him becoming stronger as he became weaker.

"Don't forget me, okay?" He said, and for the first time, his voice cracked. He didn't want to leave her. He didn't want to go. "Promise?"

Rose nodded, taking big gulps of air. "Promise."

How could he think, even for a moment, that she could ever forget him?

He smiled, the first sign of tears appearing in his brown eyes. "And never stop being brilliant."

He leaned down to her again, and she wrapped her arms around him, never wanting to let him go. His hands lay tenderly on her hips, his eyes closed.

Pond watched them both, the stuff of legends, together as they should be, surrounded by gold for their last goodbye.

There was a flash of light, and Pond felt the Earth shaking with the strain of breaking down the shield. He felt the Leanaí's presence leaving his mind for good.

The golden light enveloped The Doctor, and then he was gone.

Rose was alone.


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N Last chapter! All done! Sorry, I knew some of you wanted this to continue to Rose travelling in the TARDIS and meeting River and Amy and Rory, but I'm ending it here, and the rest is up to your imagination :3  
>Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, added this story to their alerts or favourites. Thankyou to everyone who read this until the end. I was not expecting such a brilliant reaction. You people are AMAZING.<strong>

**I'll reply to every review on this chapter, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this last piece :)**

****She couldn't move; couldn't take her eyes off the spot where the Doctor had disappeared in a flash of brilliant gold light, right in front of her eyes. She couldn't speak, couldn't think. Nothing was making sense. She just kept her eyes on the same spot, expecting him to reappear at any minute with a big grin and a laugh.  
>She wasn't sure how long she stood there for. It could have been five seconds, it could have been five hours. Time had never mattered when he was with her.<br>Her lips still tingled from his kiss, and she subconsciously moved her hand up to her face, touching her lips softly. She swore she could still feel the weight of his hands on her. But no, there was nothing there. He was gone.

She barely noticed when Pond walked up beside her silently.  
>"Come with me." He said softly. "I want to show you something."<p>

...

He brought her to the just outside Torchwood base, where people were beginning to get over the shock from the mild earthquake sending the Leanaí back had caused. They were picking themselves off the ground, straightening rubbish bins, laughing nervously, calling their familes to see if they were alright. Twittering and blogging and texting the events to their friends.

"He saved all these people." Pond said beside her.  
>She still didn't look at him, staring straight ahead. She felt the odd urge to run back into Torchwood, to see if he had come back.<p>

"People who you've never met; people who you never will. People with families and friends and jobs- he saved them all. The Universe can continue to grow, because of him."

She didn't make any indication that she had heard him, and Pond stopped talking, studying her face instead. Tears were still caught on her thick lashes, causing her eyes to glitter in the light from the streetlamps. He couldn't believe it had been less than a day that the Doctor had come back from the bomb site.  
>His breath caught in his throat, knowing the pain Rose must be feeling. He knew there was nothing he could say to make it better. He could tell her that the Doctor had been dead from the moment the explosion went off, and that the few extra hours he had got to spend with her had been a gift. But it wouldn't help, he knew.<br>He looked at the broken girl beside him and the guilt crashed through him, almost sending him to his knees. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was his fault.

But wait- one of the Doctor's last acts had been to tell him that he wasn't at fault. Because the Doctor knew how it felt to feel all the guilt and self hatred of the Universe. And he hadn't wanted Pond to feel like that.

Rose had helped him, once upon a time. When he was full of anger and blood and revenge, she had fixed him. Took away all the self hatred caused by the Time War and replaced it all with love. And he needed that again, he really did. He needed _her_, perhaps more than ever.  
>It wasn't a good time to ask, but would it ever be? Rose had lost someone she loved completely, But he knew if he didn't ask her he would regret it for the rest of his horribly long life.<p>

It was time to be selfish.

"Come with me." He said.

She looked at him for the first time, confusion in her eyes.

"I mean in the TARDIS. Come with me again. All of Time and Space, remember? I need you with me." He admitted.

He held his hand out to her, a pleading look on his face.

Rose shook her head, looking straight ahead again, watching the people of Earth get on with their lives with no idea what had just been sacrificed for them.

"It won't be the same." She whispered, speaking for the first time since she had lost him. Her voice sounded hollow. "Too much has changed."

Her eyes glazed over, remembering a life with the Doctor. No matter what he had said, Domestic life had suited him. Her mouth lifted at the corner as she remembered the first time they had babysat Tony and the Doctor had fallen asleep on the couch with Tony snuggled into his chest. They were supposed to have forever. They could have done _so much_.  
>She squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears that threatened to appear. Oh, Tony. He would be heartbroken.<p>

"It will be different." Pond spoke again and she opened her eyes, sparing a glance in his direction.

His hand was still outstretched, though she still didn't take it. He was looking at her with such intensity that she almost looked away, but she managed to hold his gaze. His green eyes bore into her, imbued with the knowledge of hundreds of years. How old was he now? How long had it been for him? She didn't even know him anymore, how could she possibly go with him?

"It will be _so_ different." He continued, and as he spoke she remembered her room in the TARDIS, soft and pink and warm. She remembered running for their lives, the excitement and the adrenaline that came with being with him. She remembered all the possibilities, any star that ever was.

"It could be _better_." A small, pleading smile graced his features, and she remembered, such a long time ago, when the Doctor took her hand and timidly asked if she was going to come with her again, even though he had changed.

"Will we find out?" He finished.

_"Absolutely the same man." _A voice from that Christmas all those years ago echoed in her head, and she looked at the man in front of her with his hand out to her, giving himself to her completely.

_"Do anything, Rose. Anything you want. Be brilliant. But don't forget me, okay?"_

She wouldn't. She couldn't, not ever.

But she could still be brilliant.

She looked up at the Doctor. New face, new man, but still the Doctor.

She took his hand.


End file.
